You had a baby. Somewhere during your pregnancy or maybe even before, you realized that the baby inside you was going to have to come out. Your fantasies up until this point had mostly been about round bellies, shopping for baby things and then, like magic, holding a tiny bundle of a person. Rosey and shiny visions where even the diapers are adorable. There may be moments of panic where a little voice freaks out in your head that you're going to be a mother. But it's exciting too. And then it hits you: you're going to have to get it out of you. Perhaps a movie reel begins in your head with sound bites of conversations you've either been a part of or you've overheard and soon you've created a composite of what you imagine your birth is going to be and it plays like a horror movie over and over in your head. Even worse, people may start sharing their own horror stories telling you about their births.
I've never understood this, by the way. See a glowing, beautiful, happy looking pregnant lady and let's tell her the scariest crap about birth ever. Because that's real sweet and encouraging. What kind of person does that and why? Sadists.
If TV, movies, and personal horror stories dominate our view and understanding of childbirth as a society then we have lost our birth culture. We have replaced it with a Hollywood version, a version of sensationalism and fear. It may be more entertaining but it isn't very inspiring. And so we lose the true culture of birth and replace it with something... other.
Then it happens. Hopefully you've prepared yourself by taking a childbirth education class by the time the actual birth rolls around and have replaced your horror film composite with positive birth images but either way, that baby is coming out. Regardless of how your little bundle is born, it's hard work and, let's be honest here, it changes you forever. Often during labor a woman will say "I can't" but then she does. When a birthing woman I'm attending says these words I know two things: she is probably close to the end and she already is doing it. You can't do this? You already ARE! Sometimes that is all we need to hear to release our fear, listen to our intuition and just do, just be. In labor you experience some of the hardest work of your life. Even if you get the drugs and you don't feel what's going on, your body feels it, your body does it and you bear the marks of the last leg of the journey toward motherhood. Home, hospital, birth center, unmedicated vaginal birth, epidural vaginal birth or cesarean, this experience births not only your baby but you as a mother as well. In this experience you discover that you, the mother you, is strong, powerful, courageous, beautiful, gentle, nurturing, determined, and so much more. You are any one of those things in any given moment. You are all of those things at once. You are Mother.
And just like that it is over. The journey towards motherhood complete. Now you embark on the journey of motherhood, a journey you will be on for the rest of your life.
Breastfeeding may be normal, it may be totally natural but it isn't always easy. Sometimes that catches us by surprise and our confidence flies out the window. When a new mom is at her wits end, exhausted and unsure, when she can't see what she has become on her journey to motherhood and now fear is all she hears, a new horror flick may begin to run through her head. This time it is about breastfeeding and she doesn't know it but she's been booby trapped (Best For Babes shares how). This new film is punctuated by an alarming number of sound bites from well meaning friends, family and strangers saying things like "breastfeeding is so hard!" "formula is just as good," "not everyone can breastfeed, I couldn't, you probably can't either," "what's your partner going to do if you breastfeed?" "If you put them on formula they won't have to eat so often, they must not be getting enough if they are always so hungry!" and the oh-so-supportive "you won't make it past a few weeks at most." Add in formula advertisements that promise brain boosting all-natural additives, claim to be perfectly formulated to meet your baby's needs, offer the allure of sleeping through the night, dish up precisely measured scoops so you know exactly how much your baby is getting and powder in a can sounds like the greatest fear and stress reducer available to new parents. Even worse, those fears can be handed a megaphone when inadequately educated experts; OBs, RNs, pediatricians, and even some midwives and lactation consultants are sometimes undereducated and perpetuate some common myths about breastfeeding and early infant feeding and growth. They tell her how, when, with what, in what way, how often what it looks like, what it sounds like, what it feels like, what it weighs like, what it charts like. In fact, the information may clutter things up so much a mom doesn't have the chance to listen to the natural desires of herself and her baby. She may be so distracted and worried about doing it wrong that nothing is going right. (I absolutely adore what Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, PhD, IBCLC has to say on an over-left-brained approach to breastfeeding)
Barring any true breastfeeding problems such as Insufficient Glandular Tissue (google it) or other legitimate problems, most of the time what a mother struggling with breastfeeding needs to hear is simply "You can do this. You ARE doing this." I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that breastfeeding isn't too hard for anyone. Is it hard? Yes, often it is, but I don't believe one single mother would find it too hard. No, what is too hard is battling lack of support, bad information, fear, societal expectations, and maybe even her own body. Sometimes a mom may want to give up, I know I have, but breastfeeding is not too hard. If you put your baby to your breast, if you hook yourself up to a breast pump, you ARE doing it. There is no guarantee that it will work exactly how it is supposed to every single time but most of the time it will. Even when it doesn't it isn't because breastfeeding is too hard, it's just the other obstacles that got in the way that were too difficult to manage.
Check out this list of 25 things that could be harder than breastfeeding. Bet you've done a few of these already.
Just as we have lost the true culture of birth we have lost the true culture of breastfeeding. When we believe that a what is actually normal, such as a newborn eating every 2 hours (taking up to 45 minutes or even an hour at the breast meaning all. the. time.) or the breasts feeling less full after a few weeks or months as the body regulates supply, when we believe these normal physiological developments are not normal and reach for formula as a first solution then we have forgotten the true culture of breastfeeding. (Christie Haskell over at The Stir has a post with pictures to demonstrate the size of a newborn stomach if you're wondering why a newborn does eat so often.) There was a time when instead of calling a lactation consultant about these issues women would have asked a more experienced family member. Don't get me wrong, I love lactation consultants, I just long for the days when they weren't quite so needed.
We should be honest about our breastfeeding experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly, and the funny too. However, let's not forget to tell the good and build moms up in their breastfeeding regardless of what becomes the primary source of nutrition for their baby. Breastfeeding may be hard sometimes but you've probably already handled harder. And for those of us that have come through breastfeeding challenges with positive and not-so-positive stories, we need to be bosom buddies for others.
So let me add my voice to the chorus of lactation consultants, breastfeeding support organizations, and the host of bloggers and say most women can breastfeed. Put your baby to your breast and you ARE breastfeeding! You go girl! Maybe, just a little, we can reclaim the true culture of breastfeeding.
I know that not everyone can or should breastfeed and I don't wish guilt on anyone that feeds their baby formula. There is not one single thought in my head that those that give their babies formula are somehow less as mothers or didn't try hard enough or are weak. I recognize that every situation is different and support all mothers in nurturing their children regardless of how they are fed. Still, I will continue to encourage breastfeeding and let women know that for most it's not only normal it's entirely possible.
Showing posts with label breastfeeding difficulties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding difficulties. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
25 Things That Could Be Harder Than Breastfeeding
Is breastfeeding hard? With all the breastfeeding booby traps facing women it's no wonder so many give up or never even consider it. But unless she is one of the small percentage that physically can not breastfeed (google Insufficient Glandular Tissue, this and other real physical problems DO happen), when it comes to breastfeeding most women have already faced harder challenges and came through them stronger more resilient versions of themselves.
I asked the Facebook Leakies what were some things they have faced that were harder for them than breastfeeding. Out of the 51 comments only a very small few said breastfeeding was the hardest thing they'd ever done, most listed other physical and even a few emotional experiences way above the early difficult days of breastfeeding. Several said that most everything was harder than breastfeeding for them, it was just that easy in their experience- don't hate them those luckies! Considering that many women regularly have their hair pulled out of their skin with teasers plucking one at a time or wax ripping the whole kit 'n caboodle off at once, I seriously doubt there is much one could through at us that would be too hard.
25 Thing that could be harder than breastfeeding.
What you may or may not face or maybe even already have that is harder than breastfeeding or breastmilk pumping. Many thanks to the Facebook Leakies for this list!
Emotional and stressful situation challenges:
Out of our own control Physical and Illness Challenges:
Elective Physical Challenges:
Please don't think I'm saying that women that don't breastfeed are wimps or that it being too hard is the only reason women don't breastfeed. I know this isn't true. I also know that any combination of these things could make breastfeeding not only very difficult but a part of a more encompassing difficulty. Sometimes though, if everything does work right we just need to see that while it may be challenging we can already handle hard.
Breastfeeding hard? Yeah, maybe sometimes it is. Bring it baby, women can handle hard.
I asked the Facebook Leakies what were some things they have faced that were harder for them than breastfeeding. Out of the 51 comments only a very small few said breastfeeding was the hardest thing they'd ever done, most listed other physical and even a few emotional experiences way above the early difficult days of breastfeeding. Several said that most everything was harder than breastfeeding for them, it was just that easy in their experience- don't hate them those luckies! Considering that many women regularly have their hair pulled out of their skin with teasers plucking one at a time or wax ripping the whole kit 'n caboodle off at once, I seriously doubt there is much one could through at us that would be too hard.
25 Thing that could be harder than breastfeeding.
What you may or may not face or maybe even already have that is harder than breastfeeding or breastmilk pumping. Many thanks to the Facebook Leakies for this list!
Emotional and stressful situation challenges:
- Depression
- Isolation
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Deployments
- Finding a balance between kiddos and being at peace with a messy house
- Recovering from birth trauma
- Relationship issues
Out of our own control Physical and Illness Challenges:
- Morning sickness
- Hemorrhoids
- Urinary Tract Infection
- Period cramps
- Recovering from an emergency C Section
- Food poisoning
- Being sick while having to take care of a baby
- Walking in the last month of pregnancy
- Labor
- Stubbing your toe
- Stomach flu
- Constipation
- Lack of sleep
- Sinus infections
- Gallbladder pain
- Episiotomy recovery or 4th degree tear
- Back pain
- Strep Throat
- Kidney Stones
- Tooth ache
Elective Physical Challenges:
- Bikini wax
- Tattoo
- Running around the block (or running at all)
Please don't think I'm saying that women that don't breastfeed are wimps or that it being too hard is the only reason women don't breastfeed. I know this isn't true. I also know that any combination of these things could make breastfeeding not only very difficult but a part of a more encompassing difficulty. Sometimes though, if everything does work right we just need to see that while it may be challenging we can already handle hard.
Breastfeeding hard? Yeah, maybe sometimes it is. Bring it baby, women can handle hard.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Because it could be my baby
Certain things are supposed to happen a certain way. We can accept, if begrudgingly, that sometimes things don't go as they are "supposed" to, we can make allowances for the times when a curve ball is thrown and we swing hard only to strike. For many of us, when it comes to breastfeeding, that's what formula is for. When what is supposed to work doesn't.
But did you know that formula is the 4th and last option the World Health Organization recommends as a substitute for a mother breastfeeding? The WHO ranks infant nutrition in this order: 1) direct breastfeeding; 2) the mother’s pumped or expressed milk in a bottle; 3) another mother’s donated human milk, and 4) artificial breastmilk substitute.
Look a little further into breastmilk it's not difficult to see why. From lower infant mortality rates to a marked reduction in SIDS, from lower childhood obesity to disease fighting antibodies, from optimal nutrition to increase protection against allergies, and new studies showing that stem cells are present in breastmilk as well. And then there are the risks associated with formula feeding. With all this and then some, it is no wonder that donated breastmilk ranks higher in priority for infant nutrition than artificial breastmilk substitutes, AKA formula. So when things don't work how they are supposed to, for whatever reason, and pumping isn't a viable option, again for whatever reason, then before reaching for formula the World Health Organization recommends families find donated breastmilk.
The problem is how difficult it can be to get donated breastmilk as Karen shared in a guest post not too long ago. Whether it be via milk banks through such organizations as The Human Milk Banking Association of America or informal direct donation as found through places like MilkShare, there simply isn't enough donated milk available. And the price can be prohibitive even through direct donation if shipping is involved. This further complicates the problems of what was supposed to work, not working.
I am a milk donor. I have 4 milk babies and all of them came to their families through adoption and though their mommies tried, they were unable to induce lactation or relactate to a point to fully meet their babies needs. It has been an honor to assist these families and something I am proud of. All of my milk donation has been through informal, direct donation. Sometimes the need is because of adoption and sometimes it is for physical reasons where the mother is unable to breastfeed or has insufficient milk production. This past week I read several stories from families needing milk but one in particular stood out: a father looking for donated breastmilk for his newborn baby boy. This mother had planned to breastfeed when her son was born at the end of August and she did, for 6 days until she died unexpectedly in her sleep. Now, to honor his wife's wishes and to do the best he can for his son this father is looking for donated breastmilk. MckMama blogs about the situation, her emotional response to it and drives this father's plea further in her blog piece "The Post In Which I Ask For Your Breastmilk" asking for more lactating women to step up and help this family get the milk this little boy so needs. When I read this story and others, my mind jumps to the bags of frozen milk in my freezer and I wonder if I could increase my supply to meet these needs. Somehow, some way I want to personally provide every baby in need of breastmilk with enough milk to meet their needs. Even as I write this my eyes fill with tears again because of this tragic situation and as I fight the sting I realize something.
I donate because it could be my baby.
Because it could be my breasts that didn't produce enough or even any milk.
Because it could be my baby born in my heart but came from the body of another woman.
Because it could be my breast surgery done when I didn't think about breastfeeding my future babies.
Because it could be my baby born too early or with other complications and it could be my breasts don't produce enough through expressing and pumping.
Because it could be my health failing, it could be my heart surgery, my cancer, my complications.
Because it could be my family grieving my death and my husband looking for milk for my baby.
Because it could be my baby that needed the milk of another woman and I hope it would be there.
A few months ago a friend was very close to having her little boy and she sent me an e-mail asking me a favor: should she die would I please help her husband find breastmilk for their new baby? I wanted to tell her not to think like that, only positive thoughts going into birth but something held me back. The pure honesty in admitting a fear that I have pressed down in myself demanded an honest answer. Yes, I would do it. I also told her that I understood her fear. Because I do. In that moment all the statistics in the world don't matter, what matters are the ones that will become the reality for you family, for your baby. And you need to know there are provisions should you need them. Because it could be your baby.
In the case of my friend, she and her little guy are doing well and I am grateful I did not need to help her husband find donor milk for their son. This other family was not so fortunate and they do need donor milk. As do many others. There are far more babies who do not need donated breastmilk than do but for those that are in need the difficulty and expense in finding human milk can be too much. For these families to follow the recommendation of The World Health Organization and get donated breastmilk for their babies we need more donating moms. Have you ever wondered for even the briefest moment if your baby was getting enough milk from your breast? Have you ever been concerned that your health or medications you require could prohibit you from breastfeeding? Or have you ever let your mind wander to the fear of you not being able to get to your baby in the case of some kind of disaster or emergency? Then you can understand a fraction of the worry a mother or father with a baby in need of donated breastmilk. If you are one of those mothers or fathers please know that my heart, and my milk, goes out to you. To any woman currently lactating or will be some day, would you consider adding even just one pumping session a day into your schedule to help out these families? If you respond well to expressing your milk, please consider becoming a milk donor either through safe direct donation or by becoming a screened milk donor with a milk bank in your area. Anyone with milk already stashed in your freezer but more than you require, please explore the possibility of sharing that milk if it isn't more than 6 months old, passing it on to another family in need. If you are interested in helping the family whose story I shared briefly here please follow the hyperlink to MckMama's blog for more information and check out this information on shipping frozen breastmilk if you are not local to that family or have found another family in need of milk but not in your area. Because it could be your baby.
Every human baby deserves to have the normal nutrition for a human infant: human breastmilk. To every lactating woman, past, present and future that has ever shared or will ever share even a drop of her milk with another woman's baby I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Whether you give through safe direct donation or through an established Milk Bank such as one approved by the Human Milk Banking Association of America, I thank you.
Because it could be my baby.
Please note:
For families looking for milk, it is important that you be informed on the potential risks of receiving breastmilk through informal donation vs. a recognized milk bank when making your decision.
But did you know that formula is the 4th and last option the World Health Organization recommends as a substitute for a mother breastfeeding? The WHO ranks infant nutrition in this order: 1) direct breastfeeding; 2) the mother’s pumped or expressed milk in a bottle; 3) another mother’s donated human milk, and 4) artificial breastmilk substitute.
Look a little further into breastmilk it's not difficult to see why. From lower infant mortality rates to a marked reduction in SIDS, from lower childhood obesity to disease fighting antibodies, from optimal nutrition to increase protection against allergies, and new studies showing that stem cells are present in breastmilk as well. And then there are the risks associated with formula feeding. With all this and then some, it is no wonder that donated breastmilk ranks higher in priority for infant nutrition than artificial breastmilk substitutes, AKA formula. So when things don't work how they are supposed to, for whatever reason, and pumping isn't a viable option, again for whatever reason, then before reaching for formula the World Health Organization recommends families find donated breastmilk.
The problem is how difficult it can be to get donated breastmilk as Karen shared in a guest post not too long ago. Whether it be via milk banks through such organizations as The Human Milk Banking Association of America or informal direct donation as found through places like MilkShare, there simply isn't enough donated milk available. And the price can be prohibitive even through direct donation if shipping is involved. This further complicates the problems of what was supposed to work, not working.
I am a milk donor. I have 4 milk babies and all of them came to their families through adoption and though their mommies tried, they were unable to induce lactation or relactate to a point to fully meet their babies needs. It has been an honor to assist these families and something I am proud of. All of my milk donation has been through informal, direct donation. Sometimes the need is because of adoption and sometimes it is for physical reasons where the mother is unable to breastfeed or has insufficient milk production. This past week I read several stories from families needing milk but one in particular stood out: a father looking for donated breastmilk for his newborn baby boy. This mother had planned to breastfeed when her son was born at the end of August and she did, for 6 days until she died unexpectedly in her sleep. Now, to honor his wife's wishes and to do the best he can for his son this father is looking for donated breastmilk. MckMama blogs about the situation, her emotional response to it and drives this father's plea further in her blog piece "The Post In Which I Ask For Your Breastmilk" asking for more lactating women to step up and help this family get the milk this little boy so needs. When I read this story and others, my mind jumps to the bags of frozen milk in my freezer and I wonder if I could increase my supply to meet these needs. Somehow, some way I want to personally provide every baby in need of breastmilk with enough milk to meet their needs. Even as I write this my eyes fill with tears again because of this tragic situation and as I fight the sting I realize something.
I donate because it could be my baby.
Because it could be my breasts that didn't produce enough or even any milk.
Because it could be my baby born in my heart but came from the body of another woman.
Because it could be my breast surgery done when I didn't think about breastfeeding my future babies.
Because it could be my baby born too early or with other complications and it could be my breasts don't produce enough through expressing and pumping.
Because it could be my health failing, it could be my heart surgery, my cancer, my complications.
Because it could be my family grieving my death and my husband looking for milk for my baby.
Because it could be my baby that needed the milk of another woman and I hope it would be there.
A few months ago a friend was very close to having her little boy and she sent me an e-mail asking me a favor: should she die would I please help her husband find breastmilk for their new baby? I wanted to tell her not to think like that, only positive thoughts going into birth but something held me back. The pure honesty in admitting a fear that I have pressed down in myself demanded an honest answer. Yes, I would do it. I also told her that I understood her fear. Because I do. In that moment all the statistics in the world don't matter, what matters are the ones that will become the reality for you family, for your baby. And you need to know there are provisions should you need them. Because it could be your baby.
In the case of my friend, she and her little guy are doing well and I am grateful I did not need to help her husband find donor milk for their son. This other family was not so fortunate and they do need donor milk. As do many others. There are far more babies who do not need donated breastmilk than do but for those that are in need the difficulty and expense in finding human milk can be too much. For these families to follow the recommendation of The World Health Organization and get donated breastmilk for their babies we need more donating moms. Have you ever wondered for even the briefest moment if your baby was getting enough milk from your breast? Have you ever been concerned that your health or medications you require could prohibit you from breastfeeding? Or have you ever let your mind wander to the fear of you not being able to get to your baby in the case of some kind of disaster or emergency? Then you can understand a fraction of the worry a mother or father with a baby in need of donated breastmilk. If you are one of those mothers or fathers please know that my heart, and my milk, goes out to you. To any woman currently lactating or will be some day, would you consider adding even just one pumping session a day into your schedule to help out these families? If you respond well to expressing your milk, please consider becoming a milk donor either through safe direct donation or by becoming a screened milk donor with a milk bank in your area. Anyone with milk already stashed in your freezer but more than you require, please explore the possibility of sharing that milk if it isn't more than 6 months old, passing it on to another family in need. If you are interested in helping the family whose story I shared briefly here please follow the hyperlink to MckMama's blog for more information and check out this information on shipping frozen breastmilk if you are not local to that family or have found another family in need of milk but not in your area. Because it could be your baby.
Every human baby deserves to have the normal nutrition for a human infant: human breastmilk. To every lactating woman, past, present and future that has ever shared or will ever share even a drop of her milk with another woman's baby I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Whether you give through safe direct donation or through an established Milk Bank such as one approved by the Human Milk Banking Association of America, I thank you.
Because it could be my baby.
Please note:
For families looking for milk, it is important that you be informed on the potential risks of receiving breastmilk through informal donation vs. a recognized milk bank when making your decision.
Monday, August 9, 2010
I'd Like to Make a Withdrawal, Please
My friend Karen is such an incredible mother, giving everything she can for her daughters. Her story brings tears to my eyes and reminds me why I pump and donated my milk. I am honored to be bringing you this guest post.
Breast is best, and natural they tell me. Breastfeeding is apparently what these boobs I have been burdened with since a young age are made for . . . but my boobs didn't get the memo. After working through some issues, I tried to breastfeed with my second child. But they would have none of it. There were three fundamental problems: 1) no milk, 2) faulty design and 3) lack of support. This led me with only 1 option, I had to make a withdrawal from the local milk bank.
I spent the entire first trimester of my pregnancy hooked up to an iv to sustain bare minimal hydration and nutrition thanks to a pregnancy disease known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). There were times when it took 5 nurses 8 attempts in over an hour to get an iv started. They called in the big guns, the nurse they sweared could ALWAYS get an iv started. Ah, but my body, it was bound and determined to foil even she. So finally they put in a port, sent me home and a nurse came to my house every 3 days to check it and change the location if needed. My wonderful husband set his alarm clock for 3 a.m. so he could wake up and change my iv bags. In my third trimester, I was hospitalized another 3 times for extreme dehydration. So it shouldn't be surprising, but it was emotionally devastating, when I tried to breastfeed and simply couldn't. Apparently, in basic math terms, 9 months of extreme dehydration=no milk.
The faulty design problem became apparent when it turned out there was no nipple for the baby to attach to. A lactation consultant was called in to, well, consult. She walked in, tore open my hospital gown with no announcement or, better yet, permission and declared, "yep, you have flat nipples." Nice. Since I had given birth the day before Thanksgiving, everyone seemed more in a rush to make pies than to help a struggling mother so their basic advice was to pump as it would help bring the nipple out and the baby could create a latch. So I sent my husband to the store and he bought a pump and we were on our own for the next few days.
So here I was, trying to breastfeed and my days went something like this: Feed the baby for over an hour, because she wasn't really get any milk. Pump for two hours, and get half an ounce. Feed the baby for over an hour. Pump for two. All I did was feed and pump, pump and feed. And cry. Remember that excellent husband I mentioned above, here he made a misstep. One day as I cried about it all, he suggested that maybe I was doing it wrong. Or was, in subtler but no less stinging words, a failure - and maybe I should just give up.
Our pediatrician wrote me a prescription for a medical grade pump, which failed to deliver on its promise quite frankly. And the lactation consultants, there is apparently only one in our county, failed to return the messages I left over Thanksgiving weekend. We were, as they say, winging it - and quite unsuccessfully at that. Then, the unimaginable happened, my baby developed severe GERD. There were frequent trips to Children's hospital (seizure like episodes, apnea that resulted in her turning blue) and the recommendation was that we try changing formulas (we were supplementing as we tried to navigate our bfing nightmare). In the end, we had to use an amino acid based formula to minimize her symptoms that she is quite frankly still struggling from at 20 months.
In all of this, I did a ton of research, which is where I stumbled upon the idea of a breast milk bank. What a glorious idea I thought. I wanted my baby to get the health benefits of breastmilk but couldn't deliver traditional, but now there appeared to be a nontraditional way for me to help my baby get what was best. So I called the nearest big city hospital and due to my baby's feeding issues it was determined that I would qualify to purchase breastmilk with a prescription from my doctor. My doctor was a little more fuzzy on the idea: He was worried about sanitariness. And of course since my baby appeared to have food allergies, well - that was a different concern. But in the end we all agreed that I really, really wanted my baby to have the health benefits of breastmilk and it couldn't hurt to try.
Well, it did hurt my pocket book. Donor breastmilk was almost as expensive as the amino acid based formula I had to buy. In the end, we could only afford to give her 1 6 ounce bottle a day for about 3 months. But, they say that a little is better than none and I hope that is true. My secret hope is that the antibodies from the breastmilk helped to make her food allergies less severe. I will say that despite her incredible issues with food (I mentioned she has incredible issues with food, right?)- she has had no other types of illness. No flu. No colds. No croup. A couple of ear infections that didn't require treatment, but that was more than likely from the food allergies.
Since donated breastmilk from a hospital bank is pasteurized, there is some question as to how the antibodies compare to unpastuerized breast milk. But again, I am going with the some is better than none theory unless science comes back and tells me differently. I have heard that some moms are able to get donated milk from someone they know that is unpasteurized making this a moot point. I did the best that I could do for my baby - and I hope that other moms will have the opportunity.
To tell the truth this isn't really that bizarre of a concept - when the Earthquake in China killed many of its citizens a couple of years ago, one of the stories that came out was about how one woman breastfed some of the orphaned babies to keep them alive. Imagine the generosity involved in giving not only of your nutrients, but your time and body in this way.
I am very thankful to the women that donated breastmilk to the bank I used. And now I encourage everyone who can to do so. There are many medical reasons why a woman may be unable to breastfeed, and donated milk can help their babies get the gift and benefits of breastfeeding. Do research to determine where a milk bank near you is and sign up to be a donor - it was such a blessing to my family, and it will be to many more. I am not the only woman who is looking to make a withdrawal.
Breast is best, and natural they tell me. Breastfeeding is apparently what these boobs I have been burdened with since a young age are made for . . . but my boobs didn't get the memo. After working through some issues, I tried to breastfeed with my second child. But they would have none of it. There were three fundamental problems: 1) no milk, 2) faulty design and 3) lack of support. This led me with only 1 option, I had to make a withdrawal from the local milk bank.
I spent the entire first trimester of my pregnancy hooked up to an iv to sustain bare minimal hydration and nutrition thanks to a pregnancy disease known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). There were times when it took 5 nurses 8 attempts in over an hour to get an iv started. They called in the big guns, the nurse they sweared could ALWAYS get an iv started. Ah, but my body, it was bound and determined to foil even she. So finally they put in a port, sent me home and a nurse came to my house every 3 days to check it and change the location if needed. My wonderful husband set his alarm clock for 3 a.m. so he could wake up and change my iv bags. In my third trimester, I was hospitalized another 3 times for extreme dehydration. So it shouldn't be surprising, but it was emotionally devastating, when I tried to breastfeed and simply couldn't. Apparently, in basic math terms, 9 months of extreme dehydration=no milk.
The faulty design problem became apparent when it turned out there was no nipple for the baby to attach to. A lactation consultant was called in to, well, consult. She walked in, tore open my hospital gown with no announcement or, better yet, permission and declared, "yep, you have flat nipples." Nice. Since I had given birth the day before Thanksgiving, everyone seemed more in a rush to make pies than to help a struggling mother so their basic advice was to pump as it would help bring the nipple out and the baby could create a latch. So I sent my husband to the store and he bought a pump and we were on our own for the next few days.
So here I was, trying to breastfeed and my days went something like this: Feed the baby for over an hour, because she wasn't really get any milk. Pump for two hours, and get half an ounce. Feed the baby for over an hour. Pump for two. All I did was feed and pump, pump and feed. And cry. Remember that excellent husband I mentioned above, here he made a misstep. One day as I cried about it all, he suggested that maybe I was doing it wrong. Or was, in subtler but no less stinging words, a failure - and maybe I should just give up.
Our pediatrician wrote me a prescription for a medical grade pump, which failed to deliver on its promise quite frankly. And the lactation consultants, there is apparently only one in our county, failed to return the messages I left over Thanksgiving weekend. We were, as they say, winging it - and quite unsuccessfully at that. Then, the unimaginable happened, my baby developed severe GERD. There were frequent trips to Children's hospital (seizure like episodes, apnea that resulted in her turning blue) and the recommendation was that we try changing formulas (we were supplementing as we tried to navigate our bfing nightmare). In the end, we had to use an amino acid based formula to minimize her symptoms that she is quite frankly still struggling from at 20 months.
In all of this, I did a ton of research, which is where I stumbled upon the idea of a breast milk bank. What a glorious idea I thought. I wanted my baby to get the health benefits of breastmilk but couldn't deliver traditional, but now there appeared to be a nontraditional way for me to help my baby get what was best. So I called the nearest big city hospital and due to my baby's feeding issues it was determined that I would qualify to purchase breastmilk with a prescription from my doctor. My doctor was a little more fuzzy on the idea: He was worried about sanitariness. And of course since my baby appeared to have food allergies, well - that was a different concern. But in the end we all agreed that I really, really wanted my baby to have the health benefits of breastmilk and it couldn't hurt to try.
Well, it did hurt my pocket book. Donor breastmilk was almost as expensive as the amino acid based formula I had to buy. In the end, we could only afford to give her 1 6 ounce bottle a day for about 3 months. But, they say that a little is better than none and I hope that is true. My secret hope is that the antibodies from the breastmilk helped to make her food allergies less severe. I will say that despite her incredible issues with food (I mentioned she has incredible issues with food, right?)- she has had no other types of illness. No flu. No colds. No croup. A couple of ear infections that didn't require treatment, but that was more than likely from the food allergies.
Since donated breastmilk from a hospital bank is pasteurized, there is some question as to how the antibodies compare to unpastuerized breast milk. But again, I am going with the some is better than none theory unless science comes back and tells me differently. I have heard that some moms are able to get donated milk from someone they know that is unpasteurized making this a moot point. I did the best that I could do for my baby - and I hope that other moms will have the opportunity.
To tell the truth this isn't really that bizarre of a concept - when the Earthquake in China killed many of its citizens a couple of years ago, one of the stories that came out was about how one woman breastfed some of the orphaned babies to keep them alive. Imagine the generosity involved in giving not only of your nutrients, but your time and body in this way.
I am very thankful to the women that donated breastmilk to the bank I used. And now I encourage everyone who can to do so. There are many medical reasons why a woman may be unable to breastfeed, and donated milk can help their babies get the gift and benefits of breastfeeding. Do research to determine where a milk bank near you is and sign up to be a donor - it was such a blessing to my family, and it will be to many more. I am not the only woman who is looking to make a withdrawal.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Breast Nurting: A Re-lactation Story
For our WBW blog carnival on "Perspectives: Breastfeeding From Every Angle" we are pleased to host guest posts from various contributors. Today we hear the perspective on breastfeeding from Rachel, a mom that re-lactated after medical reasons led her to wean very early. Rachel has a re-lactating blog chronicling her journey.
When my son was almost 4 weeks old, I began my relactation journey. I stocked up on medication, supplements, information and support. You see, he was formula fed at one week old. I was hospitalised overnight with severe anxiety attacks and extreme insomnia when he was 6 days old and was not in a state to breastfeed so he was given formula feeds.
I then allowed my milk to dry up as I focused on getting better mentally. After finding out that I had lost my first pregnancy early in the second trimester, I understandably was anxious during my second pregnancy and beyond. As a result, I had postnatal depression & anxiety all surrounding the fear of losing my son and not being a 'good enough' Mumma to him.
I so desperately missed breastfeeding - not only for all of the health benefits to him and myself but because I loved it.
I started being very conscious of eating well, drinking loads of fluids, resting, and nursing him as often as possible. He would latch on but got increasingly frustrated because I was producing next-to-no milk. I was taking several galactologues and started pumping regularly. I stayed in contact with a lactation consultant and ordered a Supplementary Nursing System. Some beautiful, generous Mummas are donated expressed breastmilk to us as well.
To say I was determined is an understatement.
I was so blessed to have a cooperative baby and an extremely supportive husband. I went from expressing literally a couple of mLs from both breasts at a time to producing more than enough breastmilk (750 mL in a 24 hour period) in just seventeen days!
Getting my supply back was only half the battle. It was then a matter of getting him back to the breast. 11 days later, after much frustration and a few meltdowns (from both him and I) my baby boy had his first of many feeds from the breast... and we haven't looked back. That was over 5 months ago and my 'boobah' loving baby boy is so happy.
It was trying, don't get me wrong. I had to hand express at first and expressing so regularly and constantly was draining both physically and emotionally. I had all the normal duties of a first time Mum to contend with alongside postnatal anxiety, an exhaustive pumping schedule, painful nipples (hello nipple thrush, meet hospital grade double breast pump), the financial cost and it was so time consuming. But it was beyond worth it.
I spent most of my free time (hah! Free time with a tiny baby?) researching relactation on the internet. I searched for success stories, blogs, articles, anything that would tell me that it was not only possible but that it was worth it. At one point I remember saying I just want someone to come to me from the future and tell me that this will all be worth it. Well, it is. It really really is.
I didn't just want to breast-feed. I wanted to breast-nurture. I am a relactation success story. I just want to be a voice for relactation to say that it is achievable and gaining back our breastfeeding relationship has been so very rewarding.
When my son was almost 4 weeks old, I began my relactation journey. I stocked up on medication, supplements, information and support. You see, he was formula fed at one week old. I was hospitalised overnight with severe anxiety attacks and extreme insomnia when he was 6 days old and was not in a state to breastfeed so he was given formula feeds.
I then allowed my milk to dry up as I focused on getting better mentally. After finding out that I had lost my first pregnancy early in the second trimester, I understandably was anxious during my second pregnancy and beyond. As a result, I had postnatal depression & anxiety all surrounding the fear of losing my son and not being a 'good enough' Mumma to him.
I so desperately missed breastfeeding - not only for all of the health benefits to him and myself but because I loved it.
I started being very conscious of eating well, drinking loads of fluids, resting, and nursing him as often as possible. He would latch on but got increasingly frustrated because I was producing next-to-no milk. I was taking several galactologues and started pumping regularly. I stayed in contact with a lactation consultant and ordered a Supplementary Nursing System. Some beautiful, generous Mummas are donated expressed breastmilk to us as well.
To say I was determined is an understatement.
I was so blessed to have a cooperative baby and an extremely supportive husband. I went from expressing literally a couple of mLs from both breasts at a time to producing more than enough breastmilk (750 mL in a 24 hour period) in just seventeen days!
Getting my supply back was only half the battle. It was then a matter of getting him back to the breast. 11 days later, after much frustration and a few meltdowns (from both him and I) my baby boy had his first of many feeds from the breast... and we haven't looked back. That was over 5 months ago and my 'boobah' loving baby boy is so happy.
It was trying, don't get me wrong. I had to hand express at first and expressing so regularly and constantly was draining both physically and emotionally. I had all the normal duties of a first time Mum to contend with alongside postnatal anxiety, an exhaustive pumping schedule, painful nipples (hello nipple thrush, meet hospital grade double breast pump), the financial cost and it was so time consuming. But it was beyond worth it.
I spent most of my free time (hah! Free time with a tiny baby?) researching relactation on the internet. I searched for success stories, blogs, articles, anything that would tell me that it was not only possible but that it was worth it. At one point I remember saying I just want someone to come to me from the future and tell me that this will all be worth it. Well, it is. It really really is.
I didn't just want to breast-feed. I wanted to breast-nurture. I am a relactation success story. I just want to be a voice for relactation to say that it is achievable and gaining back our breastfeeding relationship has been so very rewarding.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Broken for You
For our WBW blog carnival on "Perspectives: Breastfeeding From Every Angle" we are pleased to host guest posts from various contributors. Today we are honored to share from Karen., Christian mother to two beautiful girls.
My hate affair with my body began when I was around 11. I went to bed one night and woke up a C cup. I was not the only one who noticed; boys and men everywhere took notice and somehow seemed to think that because they now stood out so far they were in community space and ripe for the picking. The couple of times it happened with a stranger were disconcerting and maddening, but it didn't invoke the same fear as when someone you loved and trusted did it. I would soon give up my love of swimming because of a family member who always felt it was somehow "funny" to pull down the front of my swimming suit - in front of everyone. And my best friend in high school doesn't know that our friendship ended because her father developed a creepy hug technique that always included approaching from behind so that his hands always managed to land on my breasts. Boys always assumed that big=easy. There were many times when a first date would pull up to some location and let me know what it was for. I learned to go on group dates and make sure I had a way out.
My hate affair with my body began when I was around 11. I went to bed one night and woke up a C cup. I was not the only one who noticed; boys and men everywhere took notice and somehow seemed to think that because they now stood out so far they were in community space and ripe for the picking. The couple of times it happened with a stranger were disconcerting and maddening, but it didn't invoke the same fear as when someone you loved and trusted did it. I would soon give up my love of swimming because of a family member who always felt it was somehow "funny" to pull down the front of my swimming suit - in front of everyone. And my best friend in high school doesn't know that our friendship ended because her father developed a creepy hug technique that always included approaching from behind so that his hands always managed to land on my breasts. Boys always assumed that big=easy. There were many times when a first date would pull up to some location and let me know what it was for. I learned to go on group dates and make sure I had a way out.
I spent my junior and high school years developing many anorexic rituals in the hope that losing extreme weight would make them smaller. Ironically, it just made them stand out more. It didn't help when I was diagnosed with Scoliosis and the amazing therapeutic back brace worked like an old fashioned corset. While other girls looked at my cinched in waist with envy, I threw up in the bathroom because my anxiety about my body was ratcheting up to record highs.
Somehow as an adult many of these things worked themselves out. I married an awesome man who understood that I felt my body was my enemy and we just dealt with things as they came up. And come up they did: no one was more surprised then me when driving home from Christmas dinner one day "Oh crap, I'm pregnant." The conversation began quite simply as I looked at my husband and said that dinner tasted weird. He felt it was yet another awesome and tasty one. And then the lightbulb went on, I was pregnant.
Pregnancy would turn out to be another instance in which my body had betrayed: I developed a condition which I now know to be Hyperemesis Gravidarum. So while other women went about their days registering at Target and picking colors and themes, I tried to stay out of the hospital and maybe managed to go to work a couple of days a week. I had plenty of time to lay in bed and contemplate the many ways in which my body was a complete and utter failure. And every time I went to the ob they would ask, "Are you going to breastfeed?"
I *wanted* to breastfeed. Intellectually I understood that it was best for my baby, and I certainly wanted that. But the idea of letting yet another human being, even one I loved so wholeheartedly, once again use my breasts for their personal gratification - even if I did so willingly - was laden with deep, emotional complications. My biggest fear is that I could not get past my own body issues and that they would seep into this precious bonding time and complicate it. Would I resent my baby? Would it cause me more fear and anxiety?
On the day my baby was born 2 things happened: 1) I was able to eat for the first time in 9 months. Suddenly and amazingly my body felt okay again. And 2) I realized that I was not personally in a healthy enough place to try breastfeeding my newborn baby. In the end, for me, it was the best decision I could make for my daughter. I understand the nutritional aspect of it, but I also understood that if I tried to do it - there would be emotional complications much to great for us to carry into the future. I did not want my relationship with my body and the scars of my abuse to affect us, to affect her.
Oddly enough 2 pregnancies and 1 child later - I had worked hard and healed emotionally enough that I would in fact attempt to breastfeed my child. And still, thanks in large part to Hyperemesis Gravidarum (months of dehydration left me unable to produce milk) and my breasts themselves (the rude lactation consultant assured me after violating me once again by opening my robe without asking that my nipples - their flatness - was an issue), my body failed me once again. After a few weeks of nursing and pumping non-stop, we switched to formula and supplemented with breastmilk bought from a milk bank. I was grateful to have that option available to me.
My prayer is that my daughters will be at peace with their bodies and will be able to breastfeed their children, should they choose to do so. But I know that no matter what they choose to do, I will love and support them in that because our bodies are not always our friends - and sometimes you can be broken in more than one way. I don't want them to bring brokenness into their relationships with their children, just as I did not want to bring it into mine.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Guilt: the great conversation killer.
"Women should not feel guilty if they are unable to nurse their baby, but they should feel guilty if they are unwilling to do so, and they should be intellectually honest enough to know the difference." ~ Elizabeth Gene
This quote was bouncing around FaceBook on a few pages I "like" last week and I've been thinking about it ever since. I recognize that this quote is taken out of context which causes it to be understood differently than originally intended. However, this is exactly how it was presented and commented on though FaceBook often with great passion. It was discussed on The Leaky B@@b forums as well and I am building on some of what I said there, here. Because I couldn't quiet my thoughts on the matter I decided to explore it freely.
"Women should not feel guilty if the are unable to nurse their baby..."
Here, here! Absolutely, totally agree with this. It happens, sometimes things don't work right or there are special circumstances or situations make it beyond difficult and a mother can't breastfeed. Nobody should feel guilty for something they couldn't control. But sometimes they do. Why is that? Because they think nobody will believe them? Because they are so grieved themselves that things didn't work out? I would hope that it isn't because other moms cast guilt on them and that along their parenting journey they find away to let it go. I want to wrap my arms around all the women in the world that wanted to breastfeed but could not and tell them that they are amazing women, loving and caring for their children with all their heart, mind, soul and body. Just like women that are able to breastfeed.
"... but they should feel guilty if they are unwilling to do so, and they should be intellectually honest enough to know the difference."
Hmmm, well, here I have a problem. First of all, they should feel guilty? Guilt is supposed to be something only we bring on ourselves so why would anyone say someone should feel guilty? When we feel guilt it is because we know we did something wrong, something dishonest. For someone to suggest that we should feel guilt is to be shamed. Shame is an ugly monster, it causes people to hide, to conceal their hurt and to guard and protect it so they don't hurt more. It does not bring openness. It certainly doesn't encourage them to "be intellectually honest enough to know the difference." I want women to own it when they are unwilling to nurse and if at all possible to explore why that is but I don't wish guilt on them. Honesty with themselves, sure, that would be great but not for me, for themselves! If they can be honest, rather than defensive with themselves then maybe they could even talk about it. Guilt and it's evil twin Shame are great conversation killers, particularly when delivered by their twisted Uncle Judgment step-child of Pride.
Guilt to change a culture?
I want to change attitudes about breastfeeding, breasts, women and infant/toddler nutrition, these are subjects I am passionate about. BUT, and this is a big huge but, I think that intending to create guilt in people does not bring about change. Guilt is a poor motivator and does not encourage dialogue. There is so much too that can not be seen or understood as to why people make the choices they do. If we are spending our energy trying to incite guilt in them instead of supporting all mothers, we are not going to create an atmosphere that encourages actual change but rather breads resentment and bitterness. Telling a woman she should feel guilty for not breastfeeding by choice is dismissing her personal struggles, invalidating her emotions and intelligence. Yes, we have to make sacrifices for our children but if a sacrifice is made that causes a woman to struggle with resentment and bitterness then surely sacrifice that comes out of obligation, fear of judgment and guilt is not really sacrifice at all but a form of martyrdom and can do more harm than good. Nobody wants a mother to kill herself, emotionally or physically, that would be worse for the baby than 2 years of formula any day. Nor should these women give up having children because they have struggles. I have a problem with saying a woman who isn't ready to give up her personal struggles and inhibitions and willingly breastfeed shouldn't be having children. All of us have issues that make us less than perfect parents but in the end what a child needs is love, parents that are present in the child's life, and their physical and emotional needs met. If a woman can do that then she should not be excluded from having children even if she chooses not to breastfeed. Society (and formula companies) as a whole should bear the burden of guilt. In the end though, guilt will change nothing, education will.
Going deeper than guilt.
This quote has one thing I really love about it, that women that tried to breastfeed but honestly couldn't shouldn't feel guilty. That part I stand by wholeheartedly. It's the flip side that I have a problem with, that women that didn't even try to breastfeed should feel guilty. I honestly feel sorry for the women that don't breastfeed because they are afraid of their breasts sagging, because they will feel less sexy or because it is gross or any other reason based on low self-esteem, sexually related concerns, past relationships or abuse, or fear of what others will think. I wish I could figure out how to tell them that their worth, their value is not in their sex appeal, not in their body meeting some standard but rather in who they are. Questions run through my head as to the heart of their reasons to be unwilling. What kind of wound are they trying to band-aid with the belief that their bodies are so valuable only if they are a certain way? What deep hurt prevents them from being able to give further of their bodies to nourish their child? What suffering have they encountered that creates fear and disgust towards the amazing miracle that is their own body's capabilities? What lies have they believed about themselves and the world that causes them to silence the voice inside their head and leads them to reject what comes naturally to them as mothers? How alone do they feel that embarking into the territory of parenting is something they can face but the landscape of breastfeeding is too much? How overwhelmed are they already feeling to give themselves permission to avoid confronting any or all of these issues and then some in favor of something they know is at the very lest, second best for the child they so love?
And what can I do to help encourage and support them, educating from a place of non-judgment?
I love how Sarah, one of the posters on the forum put it (actually, everybody brought thoughtful and challenging responses that I appreciated): I have never understood the whole "well, the ones who *couldn't* nurse shouldn't feel guilty, but those who *wouldn't* nurse should!" argument. With very few exceptions, moms try to make the best decisions for themselves and their families. I will never judge another mother's efforts as "not enough" when it comes to infant feeding decisions, because, to me, it is both unfair and impossible to know what is "enough" for every individual or family.
This quote was bouncing around FaceBook on a few pages I "like" last week and I've been thinking about it ever since. I recognize that this quote is taken out of context which causes it to be understood differently than originally intended. However, this is exactly how it was presented and commented on though FaceBook often with great passion. It was discussed on The Leaky B@@b forums as well and I am building on some of what I said there, here. Because I couldn't quiet my thoughts on the matter I decided to explore it freely.
"Women should not feel guilty if the are unable to nurse their baby..."
Here, here! Absolutely, totally agree with this. It happens, sometimes things don't work right or there are special circumstances or situations make it beyond difficult and a mother can't breastfeed. Nobody should feel guilty for something they couldn't control. But sometimes they do. Why is that? Because they think nobody will believe them? Because they are so grieved themselves that things didn't work out? I would hope that it isn't because other moms cast guilt on them and that along their parenting journey they find away to let it go. I want to wrap my arms around all the women in the world that wanted to breastfeed but could not and tell them that they are amazing women, loving and caring for their children with all their heart, mind, soul and body. Just like women that are able to breastfeed.
"... but they should feel guilty if they are unwilling to do so, and they should be intellectually honest enough to know the difference."
Hmmm, well, here I have a problem. First of all, they should feel guilty? Guilt is supposed to be something only we bring on ourselves so why would anyone say someone should feel guilty? When we feel guilt it is because we know we did something wrong, something dishonest. For someone to suggest that we should feel guilt is to be shamed. Shame is an ugly monster, it causes people to hide, to conceal their hurt and to guard and protect it so they don't hurt more. It does not bring openness. It certainly doesn't encourage them to "be intellectually honest enough to know the difference." I want women to own it when they are unwilling to nurse and if at all possible to explore why that is but I don't wish guilt on them. Honesty with themselves, sure, that would be great but not for me, for themselves! If they can be honest, rather than defensive with themselves then maybe they could even talk about it. Guilt and it's evil twin Shame are great conversation killers, particularly when delivered by their twisted Uncle Judgment step-child of Pride.
Guilt to change a culture?
I want to change attitudes about breastfeeding, breasts, women and infant/toddler nutrition, these are subjects I am passionate about. BUT, and this is a big huge but, I think that intending to create guilt in people does not bring about change. Guilt is a poor motivator and does not encourage dialogue. There is so much too that can not be seen or understood as to why people make the choices they do. If we are spending our energy trying to incite guilt in them instead of supporting all mothers, we are not going to create an atmosphere that encourages actual change but rather breads resentment and bitterness. Telling a woman she should feel guilty for not breastfeeding by choice is dismissing her personal struggles, invalidating her emotions and intelligence. Yes, we have to make sacrifices for our children but if a sacrifice is made that causes a woman to struggle with resentment and bitterness then surely sacrifice that comes out of obligation, fear of judgment and guilt is not really sacrifice at all but a form of martyrdom and can do more harm than good. Nobody wants a mother to kill herself, emotionally or physically, that would be worse for the baby than 2 years of formula any day. Nor should these women give up having children because they have struggles. I have a problem with saying a woman who isn't ready to give up her personal struggles and inhibitions and willingly breastfeed shouldn't be having children. All of us have issues that make us less than perfect parents but in the end what a child needs is love, parents that are present in the child's life, and their physical and emotional needs met. If a woman can do that then she should not be excluded from having children even if she chooses not to breastfeed. Society (and formula companies) as a whole should bear the burden of guilt. In the end though, guilt will change nothing, education will.
Going deeper than guilt.
This quote has one thing I really love about it, that women that tried to breastfeed but honestly couldn't shouldn't feel guilty. That part I stand by wholeheartedly. It's the flip side that I have a problem with, that women that didn't even try to breastfeed should feel guilty. I honestly feel sorry for the women that don't breastfeed because they are afraid of their breasts sagging, because they will feel less sexy or because it is gross or any other reason based on low self-esteem, sexually related concerns, past relationships or abuse, or fear of what others will think. I wish I could figure out how to tell them that their worth, their value is not in their sex appeal, not in their body meeting some standard but rather in who they are. Questions run through my head as to the heart of their reasons to be unwilling. What kind of wound are they trying to band-aid with the belief that their bodies are so valuable only if they are a certain way? What deep hurt prevents them from being able to give further of their bodies to nourish their child? What suffering have they encountered that creates fear and disgust towards the amazing miracle that is their own body's capabilities? What lies have they believed about themselves and the world that causes them to silence the voice inside their head and leads them to reject what comes naturally to them as mothers? How alone do they feel that embarking into the territory of parenting is something they can face but the landscape of breastfeeding is too much? How overwhelmed are they already feeling to give themselves permission to avoid confronting any or all of these issues and then some in favor of something they know is at the very lest, second best for the child they so love?
And what can I do to help encourage and support them, educating from a place of non-judgment?
I love how Sarah, one of the posters on the forum put it (actually, everybody brought thoughtful and challenging responses that I appreciated): I have never understood the whole "well, the ones who *couldn't* nurse shouldn't feel guilty, but those who *wouldn't* nurse should!" argument. With very few exceptions, moms try to make the best decisions for themselves and their families. I will never judge another mother's efforts as "not enough" when it comes to infant feeding decisions, because, to me, it is both unfair and impossible to know what is "enough" for every individual or family.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Ticia's Story
I am happy to share a guest post by our friend Ticia and her breastfeeding experience. Ticia's story involves overcoming her own physical struggles with health, some common breastfeeding struggles and the obstacles, some well meaning, that others threw before her. It a beautifully bittersweet continuation of her story, Ticia shares how she has changed and been shaped as a mother threw breastfeeding and the differences in herself between her 2 breastfeeding experiences. I am so glad Ticia is sharing her story with us. I hope you enjoy and are as inspired as I am by her story. Ticia blogs over at Confessional Corner.When I was just one week shy of turning 20 my Now Husband and I found out that we were expecting. Funny thing is I was already 8 weeks along ( yes, I said 8. Due to past medical history and my body just being weird; lol, I didn't realize I was pregnant until I was practically through most of the first trimester). Soon after learning that we were pregnant the morning sickness crept in, however; due to my body being weird it wasn't regular old morning sickness I got Hyperemesis Gravardium. Yay, right?! Now that I think back I am quiet shocked I was able to work and go to school full time through my second trimester. Even though that was the trimester where everything made me sick and I lost roughly 20 lbs. Fast forward, the day I had my son I weighed a whole whopping 13 lbs more than I did the day I realized I was pregnant. Not Cool......
I always knew that I would Breast Feed, it was never even a second thought for myself. So the day that my son was born was one hectic day, to say the least. After the L&D and everybody had stopped by, I realized I was stuck in a hospital, by myself with my newborn son. He was a good feeder however, every time I would go and lay him in those horrendous 'cribs' he would wake up screaming. I remember feeling really alone, stressed and tired. The hospital had a walkie-talkie like set up between my room/bed (which I shared with 2 other women and newborns), and a few hours into the night when ds was having a hard to falling asleep I recall the walkie-talkie going off with a nurse asking if everything was alright. My first thought was "uh....? i guess?..." I didn't pay any mind to her, a few minutes later it went off again and a nurse came into the room to check on my ds and me. This nurse said something to me that really made me gung ho on breast feeding and being a mother. She asked if I would like them to take ds to the nursery for the night and give him a bottle of formula? I stood there shocked. I didn't know what to say at first. Once the shock wore off I just looked her in the eye and said " are you going to come home with us when we're discharged and take him away when I'm tired or he wont settle down?....And No, he will not be getting formula!" Needless to say she left in a hurry with a bit of an attitude. At that moment I realized that even health care professionals were oblivious to what my ds or I needed. We stayed in the hospital for another 3 days because of my health, not his.
The first month was like zombie mode for my husband and I, but that's to be expected for any parents of a new born. He was a champ at nursing, actually both of our children were/are. Things started to go down hill for us when he was about 8 weeks old. That's when he started teething, YES; TEETHING!! No matter what I did he would bite randomly throughout feedings. Some feeding were without incident and then others felt as if he just wanted to bite my nipple off. It was....what's the word here?...Oh, it hurt like a B****!!! Being a new mother I had no idea what to do about it, but I still continued to nurse. I went back to school for 20 hours a week within a week of him starting to teeth, I would swell up like a water balloon while at school and long to be back home because the engorgement was more painful that I had initially imagined. I tried my hardest to pump, but to no avail I could only ever get anything out when I was psychotically engorged, and that was after being away from him for 6 hrs. I felt weird because i couldn't give my ds EBM while I was in school, he wouldn't drink formula, so we started him on super watery baby cereal and 1st foods. It kept him hydrated and full throughout the time i was gone but all he wanted to do, for at least 30 minutes, was nurse when I got home. All of that, people not supporting me fully, and the random biting sessions throughout the day had me pretty burnt out.
We weaned at 6 1/2 months. It was heart breaking, but I didn't know what else to do. The LC at the local WIC at the time wasn't really much help, nor was his doctor. To top it off all of my family members were making comments like "It's okay, he's gotten your milk for 6 months..." or " It doesn't matter, I didn't breast feed mine at all..." I didn't think much about it at the time, part of me knew I should have stuck it out longer, but part of me just wanted a break. When I got pregnant with dd I thought back about my first breast feeding relationship with ds, and how I gave up on him so much earlier than I had originally planned. So I made a pact with myself, that I would nurse dd as long as both of us felt content. She is now 18 months, and a smart; energetic teeny lil' thing (18 lbs) that doesn't really show signs of stopping. We have had a few hang ups on nursing with her, mainly due to my health and needing surgery here and there since her birth, but she always picks right back up where she left off and we are quite content. Nursing has really helped mold me as a mother, sure there are times when I wanted to stop; but I always pushed forward and persevered. I feel badly that I didn't do that with ds, but I am glad I'm doing what I feel and know is right with dd. Life is full of learning experiences, and I feel that everybody needs to follow what THEY feel is right. This was certainly it for me.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Two weeks in with #5
This is an old post from January 2010 from my other blog. It seemed fitting to share it here. It's funny, I wrote this before I started The Leaky B@@b and used the phrase "leaky boobs."Ok, so I'm nursing a new baby again which is... hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of nursing, it is good for mom and baby but I'm not going to sugar coat things and tell you how easy it is at first, not even for a 5th time mom. Smunchie is cute, adorable and absolutely precious and as true as these things are every two hours or so I have to grab a glass of water, pull out my leaky boobs, practice breathing techniques I don't even use for pushing in labor, and willingly let my baby suck on my sore nipples. Her perfectly sweet mouth is transformed into a device of torture, a pit of barbed wire churning around my tatas. Experts will tell you that it shouldn't hurt, that if there is pain it is because of a poor latch and can be corrected with proper positioning and getting the baby to get on the breast correctly; I've told women this as well. For the most part, I think that is true but there are times when mom and baby just can't get it worked out for a few weeks and for them it just isn't all rainbows and butterflies. This is me and Smunchie, the combination of my rather large nipples and her tiny mouth plus this thing she has against putting her tongue forward have all combined to make this a difficult and painful two weeks of nursing so far.
But we'll get there. I had one other baby that gave me cracked and bleeding nipples and eventually we made it through and nursing became a bonding experience for us, special and easy so I have confidence that Smunchie and I can make it there too. When we do I'll be nursing her anywhere she needs to eat (for the torture sessions I prefer to remain at home at the moment) and doing so unapologetically. Even in church. Since I believe that God made me to nurse my baby I'm not about to leave and go nurse somewhere else when we're there to worship. Boobies nursing babies aren't a shock to God and if they are to the people around me, well, they are free to turn their attention back to God and leave me and my baby alone. Most of the time I won't be covering up and if I choose to do so it will be very special circumstances. I don't cover up for my dad, don't cover at church, don't cover around our friends... in fact, I can't think of such a special circumstance, interesting. I've heard all the arguments in favor of covering up but seeing as I believe breasts are for nursing babies and anything else is just a bonus I don't see me changing. Any man that is turned on (or grossed out) by a baby being fed has issues, that's all I'm saying. And any woman... well... yeah.
And because I have a baby crying, a 6 year old needing some direction, a 2 year old needing a diaper change, an 8 year old "doing homework" that needs supervision, an 11 year old freaking out about a Greek test tomorrow, dinner that needs to be warmed up (thank goodness it is cooked thanks to wonderful friends!), a house in dire need of cleaning, laundry that needs to be folded and put away, dishes that need to be done, and a new lace pattern to try on that sweater, etc. I'm going to go now and just say: read this. She's obviously not as tired as I am and said it all so much better.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The "Breast is Best" debate
Is breastfeeding best? Or is it normal?
Given the dismal rates of continued breastfeeding in the US and other western cultures, it doesn't actually look like we think breastfeeding is best OR normal.
I've been thinking about the slogan "breast is best" a lot since seeing conversation in blogs and articles about changing our language a few months ago. My reaction was initially "well, breast IS best so what's the problem?" But as someone commented on this topic on our FaceBook Page, "'Best' makes it seem a bit unobtainable to many." Almost like saying "organic is best" when it comes to fruit and veggies, though this is a flawed metaphor. Organic may be "best" but not everyone can afford it and they still need to eat their veggies anyway. It is pretty accepted that not everyone can have "the best" in life. However, it is expected that everyone can have what is considered "normal." If there are obstacles preventing someone to have the "normal," the healthy standard of living, then there are ways, interventions, to help them get as close as possible. That's what we need, this "normal" is how we need to view breastfeeding, in my opinion. Breastfeeding needs to replace the position baby bottles and formula hold as part of the normal way to feed a baby, it needs to rise again as the new normal instead of the elite position of being "best." Besides, "Breast is best" came from formula makers. And there's a good reason for that too.
The language of "breast is best" is a double edged sword. The broad side of that sword just seems to be stating the obvious: Boobie milk is the best milk for human babies. But I think it has more cutting implications in reality. "Breast is Best" divides those who breastfeed and those who formula feed as those who do what's "best" and those that don't. Great mom vs. OK mom. I really don't think that's healthy. Divisive language also inhibits dialogue. People become defensive and all-too-enthusiastic to stand on some soap box. The truth is, divisive language does not change minds or educate. It puts down and builds barriers. Not too long ago I read a formula-feeding mother's comment when she felt attacked about not breastfeeding in an online community: "Yeah, I know 'breast is best' and all that but it isn't an option for me and I don't have to explain myself to you. I guess that makes me a bad mom and my kid is f*cked, right?" If, instead of dividing into groups and categories, we're uniting and supporting everyone's desire to do what is best for their family and embracing breastfeeding as normal we can move beyond debate and onto supporting mothers and babies. Guilt isn't a quality motivator nor something we should encourage or breed in people. And please, please don't say they should feel guilty. Lactivist Leanings has an excellent post on how those words are not only counter-productive but also down-right dangerous.
"Breast is Best!" Once upon a time that would have been as obvious a statement as "the sky is blue!" or maybe even more fitting "water is the best beverage for living creatures!" Within the verbage thrown around when talking of breastfeeding we hid the obvious: breastfeeding is normal. The other side of the double-edged "breast is best" sword is that best doesn't usually mean normal. When something is normal, or should be, a culture naturally gathers around to support and protect it. Best is equated with advantage or privilege, reserved for only a portion of society and often a bit elite. The need to protect that falls only to those that benefit from it. When something is normal (i.e. eating) society understands that everyone should have that normal opportunity and accepts that without question providing education and resources to that end. PhD in Parenting has a post I greatly appreciate about how this is an issue of breaking down societal barriers rather than picking on moms. Something that is often lost when the conversation hits a personal nerve. Check out the CDC's breastfeeding report card for an idea of how your area is doing to protect and normalize breastfeeding.
And what about when a woman can't breastfeed? Though rare, actually, not all women have enough milk or even make any milk at all. No matter how badly she wants to breastfeed. Or perhaps there are other circumstances complicating a woman's attempts to breastfeed. The "Breast is Best" slogan can sting of failure that she didn't, couldn't do "the best" for her child. But if breastfeeding is normal and something she can't do it isn't an issue of her being a good mother or bad mother, rather one of complications, whatever they are. I have horrible pregnancies. Craptastic-organ failure-constant IV's-boat loads of medication-pregnancies. It's not what I want, it just is what is. I can't help it, can't change it and most importantly, can't ignore it or pretend it away. Is it BEST to not to take drugs during pregnancy? Absolutely, everyone knows that. Some people are afraid of taking Tylenol, they are so vigilant. Is it NORMAL to vomit non-stop and drop 12 pounds in a week and keep that pattern up for 18 weeks of pregnancy and then a milder version until the very end? No, it's not. Taking drugs in pregnancy because I need to isn't normal but, after weighing the risks of taking the medications vs. not taking them, it is the right option for me, for my babies. It is the difference between normal and surviving. Not the difference between best and normal. Or good and bad. Does it sting to not be normal? You betcha. It sucks. But it happens, our world isn't perfect and sometimes things that should work, should be normal, aren't. When breastfeeding is the normal that goes awry, those moms dealing with that have other options: donated human milk and formula. Those moms need support, it can't always be breast even though breast is the normal way to feed a human baby. Just as with any decision regarding what we put into our bodies, it needs to be an informed choice with the risks associated with formula-feeding carefully spelled out and understood. Something I believe would happen more easily when breastfeeding is normal and the polarizing language of "best" is dropped.
This isn't a new conversation. Diane Wiessinger addressed this issue in her essay "Watch Your Language" in 1996, I first read about it here. And it continues today on blogs, forums, on Facebook, in chat rooms, at breastfeeding support meetings and more. Just today I posted on this topic shared on Facebook: "I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate but I prefer to leave pointing out that formula is "substandard" to those with credentials and the recognized voice to do so. On my end I just try to provide information and encouragement. And sometimes the decision to formula feed is born out of non-physical yet very real complications related to breastfeeding. Implying that a woman didn't try hard enough to get through those issues is invalidating her struggle."
The day we move from asking if a woman is going to breastfeed to automatically assuming she will unless there are complications (physical or not- that's for another post) is the day that we will have moved beyond the "breast is best" campaign to "breastfeeding is the universally accepted norm."
Given the dismal rates of continued breastfeeding in the US and other western cultures, it doesn't actually look like we think breastfeeding is best OR normal.
I've been thinking about the slogan "breast is best" a lot since seeing conversation in blogs and articles about changing our language a few months ago. My reaction was initially "well, breast IS best so what's the problem?" But as someone commented on this topic on our FaceBook Page, "'Best' makes it seem a bit unobtainable to many." Almost like saying "organic is best" when it comes to fruit and veggies, though this is a flawed metaphor. Organic may be "best" but not everyone can afford it and they still need to eat their veggies anyway. It is pretty accepted that not everyone can have "the best" in life. However, it is expected that everyone can have what is considered "normal." If there are obstacles preventing someone to have the "normal," the healthy standard of living, then there are ways, interventions, to help them get as close as possible. That's what we need, this "normal" is how we need to view breastfeeding, in my opinion. Breastfeeding needs to replace the position baby bottles and formula hold as part of the normal way to feed a baby, it needs to rise again as the new normal instead of the elite position of being "best." Besides, "Breast is best" came from formula makers. And there's a good reason for that too.
The language of "breast is best" is a double edged sword. The broad side of that sword just seems to be stating the obvious: Boobie milk is the best milk for human babies. But I think it has more cutting implications in reality. "Breast is Best" divides those who breastfeed and those who formula feed as those who do what's "best" and those that don't. Great mom vs. OK mom. I really don't think that's healthy. Divisive language also inhibits dialogue. People become defensive and all-too-enthusiastic to stand on some soap box. The truth is, divisive language does not change minds or educate. It puts down and builds barriers. Not too long ago I read a formula-feeding mother's comment when she felt attacked about not breastfeeding in an online community: "Yeah, I know 'breast is best' and all that but it isn't an option for me and I don't have to explain myself to you. I guess that makes me a bad mom and my kid is f*cked, right?" If, instead of dividing into groups and categories, we're uniting and supporting everyone's desire to do what is best for their family and embracing breastfeeding as normal we can move beyond debate and onto supporting mothers and babies. Guilt isn't a quality motivator nor something we should encourage or breed in people. And please, please don't say they should feel guilty. Lactivist Leanings has an excellent post on how those words are not only counter-productive but also down-right dangerous.
"Breast is Best!" Once upon a time that would have been as obvious a statement as "the sky is blue!" or maybe even more fitting "water is the best beverage for living creatures!" Within the verbage thrown around when talking of breastfeeding we hid the obvious: breastfeeding is normal. The other side of the double-edged "breast is best" sword is that best doesn't usually mean normal. When something is normal, or should be, a culture naturally gathers around to support and protect it. Best is equated with advantage or privilege, reserved for only a portion of society and often a bit elite. The need to protect that falls only to those that benefit from it. When something is normal (i.e. eating) society understands that everyone should have that normal opportunity and accepts that without question providing education and resources to that end. PhD in Parenting has a post I greatly appreciate about how this is an issue of breaking down societal barriers rather than picking on moms. Something that is often lost when the conversation hits a personal nerve. Check out the CDC's breastfeeding report card for an idea of how your area is doing to protect and normalize breastfeeding.
And what about when a woman can't breastfeed? Though rare, actually, not all women have enough milk or even make any milk at all. No matter how badly she wants to breastfeed. Or perhaps there are other circumstances complicating a woman's attempts to breastfeed. The "Breast is Best" slogan can sting of failure that she didn't, couldn't do "the best" for her child. But if breastfeeding is normal and something she can't do it isn't an issue of her being a good mother or bad mother, rather one of complications, whatever they are. I have horrible pregnancies. Craptastic-organ failure-constant IV's-boat loads of medication-pregnancies. It's not what I want, it just is what is. I can't help it, can't change it and most importantly, can't ignore it or pretend it away. Is it BEST to not to take drugs during pregnancy? Absolutely, everyone knows that. Some people are afraid of taking Tylenol, they are so vigilant. Is it NORMAL to vomit non-stop and drop 12 pounds in a week and keep that pattern up for 18 weeks of pregnancy and then a milder version until the very end? No, it's not. Taking drugs in pregnancy because I need to isn't normal but, after weighing the risks of taking the medications vs. not taking them, it is the right option for me, for my babies. It is the difference between normal and surviving. Not the difference between best and normal. Or good and bad. Does it sting to not be normal? You betcha. It sucks. But it happens, our world isn't perfect and sometimes things that should work, should be normal, aren't. When breastfeeding is the normal that goes awry, those moms dealing with that have other options: donated human milk and formula. Those moms need support, it can't always be breast even though breast is the normal way to feed a human baby. Just as with any decision regarding what we put into our bodies, it needs to be an informed choice with the risks associated with formula-feeding carefully spelled out and understood. Something I believe would happen more easily when breastfeeding is normal and the polarizing language of "best" is dropped.
This isn't a new conversation. Diane Wiessinger addressed this issue in her essay "Watch Your Language" in 1996, I first read about it here. And it continues today on blogs, forums, on Facebook, in chat rooms, at breastfeeding support meetings and more. Just today I posted on this topic shared on Facebook: "I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate but I prefer to leave pointing out that formula is "substandard" to those with credentials and the recognized voice to do so. On my end I just try to provide information and encouragement. And sometimes the decision to formula feed is born out of non-physical yet very real complications related to breastfeeding. Implying that a woman didn't try hard enough to get through those issues is invalidating her struggle."
The day we move from asking if a woman is going to breastfeed to automatically assuming she will unless there are complications (physical or not- that's for another post) is the day that we will have moved beyond the "breast is best" campaign to "breastfeeding is the universally accepted norm."
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Jenna, Gianna and Athena- Breastfeeding after Breast Reduction Surgery
We're happy to share a guest post by our friend Jenna and her breastfeeding experience. Heather has breastfed two little girls so far and has overcome some serious obstacles to do so. A story of love, determination and commitment, Jenna share the heartache, joys and triumphs she has experienced in her breastfeeding journey. We appreciate Jenna's voice and her sharing her story with us. We hope you enjoy and are as inspired as we are by her story.
The only thoughts going through my head the day my surgeon set the date for my breast reduction was how the pain in my lower back and shoulders would finally go away and my self esteem would return. Living with a tiny body and DD breasts was not easy. Little did I know that by signing on the dotted line, I was also signing up for a world of heartache many years later.
I fell pregnant with my first daughter in August 2006. In the first seven or eight months I carried her, I honestly didn’t give nursing much of a thought. I’d considered it. But my husband and I had stocked up on freebie Enfamil samples and bottles. I bought and skimmed Diane West’s book on everything I needed to know about breastfeeding after reduction surgery and it was all so overwhelming. I joined an online forum, BFAR.org, in hopes that these wonderful women could translate all the lingo.
As I approached my due date, something started to change. I started to feel myself veering onto the unpaved path, away from the mainstream. I signed up for a midwifery-led birth, I started reading more and more about breastfeeding and even attended a few Le Leche League meetings in hopes of meeting someone like me.
Gianna was born on April 25th, 2007 via c-section and when I met her for the first time back in my room, something just clicked. I was this child’s source of nutrition and protection always. I nursed her then for the first time. She latched like a champ and the lactation consultants were impressed. But it wasn’t always bliss.
The first several weeks were torture. I’m not talking about the raw, cracked and bleeding nipples torture. I’m talking about the little to no weight gain torture, the fussy baby at the breast torture, the feeling of not making enough for your baby torture. I gave Gianna a bottle of formula for the first time after nursing her at around 3 weeks old. She hadn’t gained back enough to reach her birth weight and although the pediatrician and lactation consultant insisted I was doing all I could and urged me to not begin supplementing just yet, I followed my mama instinct. She gulped that bottle down and wailed for more. I think she took four ounces that night and I’ve never cried so hard in my entire life.
I refused to be a formula feeding mother so I started taking BFAR’ing a little more seriously. I researched galactagogues, I started pumping after every feeding and I ordered Medela’s Supplementary Nursing System (SNS). I loaded up on fenugreek, blessed thistle, domperidone, goat’s rue and tinctures and teas and oatmeals. I’d been a member of a due date forum on a “mommy board” of sorts and one of the women there offered to ship me her pumped breast milk. She remained Gianna’s donor for months until she returned to work and needed to pump exclusively for her son. Gianna had two more donors after that but we also had to use formula. I hated it but at the end of the day my daughter was breastfeeding and was getting well over 60 percent of her supply from me.
The SNS does not allow a mother to be discreet so nursing in public became my norm. If I wanted to go out then I was certainly going to have feed my child. It sucked having to experience the inconvenience of lugging around bottles of milk (to be dumped into the SNS when time) and a cooling bag and everything a formula feeding mother needs but I felt proud that I was doing what a lot of women in my position say they’d never do.
The camaraderie I found on the BFAR.org forum was the only thing that kept me positive a lot of the time. My family and even my husband urged me to give up the stress and bottle feed my daughter. But if anyone truly knows me, they know I don’t go down without a fight and this was my fight to win.
Soon both my daughter and I got the hang of the SNS. Months went by and there was never a glitch in the program. It was our new normal and we were okay with it.
Gianna nursed with the SNS until she was 15 months old. I weaned off the herbal supplements and medication I was on and then I weaned her from the SNS. She continued to nurse on whatever I made alone until she was 26 months old.
I gave birth to my second daughter three weeks ago. I established a committed, full time donor months ago and have a breast milk stash anyone would be envious of in my deep freezer. I started the domperidone and herbal supplements the day she was born. Athena is a happily breastfeeding baby. Together with the help of her milky mama, she will be fully breastfed for as long as her little heart desires.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Heather and Darin's Story
We're happy to share a guest post by our friend Heather and her breastfeeding experience. Heather has 3 children and 3 totally different breastfeeding experiences. She wanted to write to reinforce the last guest blogger. Today is the second and final segment of Heather's story.
Heather and her children today.
I was fortunate to have a super-healthy 2nd baby, and experienced 18 months of wonderful breastfeeding with him without complications.
My 3rd child, Darin, was born to me by adoption. He was a 33-week preemie who also has Down syndrome, and I really wanted him to have the benefits of breastfeeding. Unfortunately, I did not have a long time to study the inductive lactation protocol. By the grace of God, the time from when we entered the adoption process, to when Darin was in our home was 5 weeks.
But I still had to give it a shot. After such a successful experience of pumping, and breastfeeding, I was certain that my body could figure out how to feed Darin.
So, I found a friend who had ordered Domperidone from a Canadian pharmacy to help with her milk supply, and I started taking this medication that has a common-side effect of lactation, even in men! I started pumping every 2 hours.
And a little milk started appearing.
A.little.milk.
Like drops.
By the 4th week, a whole days pumping would yield 8 oz. And I had gained 8 lbs.
But the good thing was, Darin was a strong baby. While still in the NICU, he was drinking 4 oz bottles of formula. So, when I put him to the breast, he knew what to do. And even though he didn't get alot of nutrition from me, we did gain in our bonding from this.
I had to weigh the personal effect of gaining weight so rapidly (others reported 25 lbs of gain during the inductive protocol), against getting 1 bottle of milk per day. And the milk was very watery, thin, and white. Not what hearty breastmilk looks like.
So I gave up the idea of making the milk for Darin, and started working on the next-best thing:
Find donor milk!
I found a huge network of women in my area that were breastfeeding moms who pumped either for work, or just to have a stockpile, who would share with us.
Each week for about 2 months, I'd drive house to house to pick up 3, 10, 15 bottles of milk.
And then I hit the mother-load! There was a mom who had filled an entire deep-freezer, and her son never took a bottle! She donated the whole freezer to Darin. He ate off her for 1 whole month.
Darin today.
Fortunately, due to Darin's prematurity, Darin was eligible for pasturized donor milk through the Mother's Milk Bank in Austin. Insurance began to cover a weekly shipment of frozen donor milk to feed Darin from 4 months old until he was 1 year old. Such a gift.
Heather and her children today.My 3rd child, Darin, was born to me by adoption. He was a 33-week preemie who also has Down syndrome, and I really wanted him to have the benefits of breastfeeding. Unfortunately, I did not have a long time to study the inductive lactation protocol. By the grace of God, the time from when we entered the adoption process, to when Darin was in our home was 5 weeks.
But I still had to give it a shot. After such a successful experience of pumping, and breastfeeding, I was certain that my body could figure out how to feed Darin.
So, I found a friend who had ordered Domperidone from a Canadian pharmacy to help with her milk supply, and I started taking this medication that has a common-side effect of lactation, even in men! I started pumping every 2 hours.
And a little milk started appearing.
A.little.milk.
Like drops.
By the 4th week, a whole days pumping would yield 8 oz. And I had gained 8 lbs.
But the good thing was, Darin was a strong baby. While still in the NICU, he was drinking 4 oz bottles of formula. So, when I put him to the breast, he knew what to do. And even though he didn't get alot of nutrition from me, we did gain in our bonding from this.
I had to weigh the personal effect of gaining weight so rapidly (others reported 25 lbs of gain during the inductive protocol), against getting 1 bottle of milk per day. And the milk was very watery, thin, and white. Not what hearty breastmilk looks like.
So I gave up the idea of making the milk for Darin, and started working on the next-best thing:
Find donor milk!
I found a huge network of women in my area that were breastfeeding moms who pumped either for work, or just to have a stockpile, who would share with us.
Each week for about 2 months, I'd drive house to house to pick up 3, 10, 15 bottles of milk.
And then I hit the mother-load! There was a mom who had filled an entire deep-freezer, and her son never took a bottle! She donated the whole freezer to Darin. He ate off her for 1 whole month.
Darin today.Thursday, May 6, 2010
Heather and Arabella's story
We're happy to share a guest post by our friend Heather and her breastfeeding experience. Heather has 3 children and 3 totally different breastfeeding experiences. She wanted to write to reinforce the last guest blogger. My first child was born on September 11, 2001. Upon meeting her, I was excited to figure out feeding her with my body. While we spent the next few hours together, I attempted to share small drops that were available from my breasts, and snuggle her, all while feeling modest and ackward holding this slippery little sweetie.
In my inexperienced opinion, I thought we were doing okay. While the breasts felt empty, I felt comfortable trusting the wise women around me, that she was getting the golden immunities she needed, while living off the reserve from her in utero feeding.
But on the first morning after she was born, our life got pretty crazy. Arabella had gone to the nursery for a genetics test - just a little blood draw to diagnosis what we all suspected - that Arabella had Down syndrome.
The nursery didn't seem to be bringing her back as fast as I thought they should, so I wandered down to check on her. I saw a busy nursery, with several extra nurses in different uniforms... and eventually, I figured out that they were surrounding my baby. I was told that she had started to look pale, and that her oxygen was low, so the Texas Children's Kangaroo Team was transporting her to TCH to check on her heart.
By the time I showered, and got someone to push me over to Texas Children's NICU, Arabella had an NG-tube from her nose to her tummy. They explained her breathing was too rapid for her to eat by mouth, and that IV and NG-tube feeding would be the route for several days.
And that's when I was sent to the Milk Bank, a place in the hospital where I learned to pump.
I tried pumping faithfully every 2 hours for the next 2 days, while wandering the NICU as a super-swollen, post-preeclampsic, confused-as-to-what-being-a-mom-looks-like-in-a hospital new mom.
Then my milk came in... I think it was day 4. OHHHHH, it came in. My breasts were suddenly (NO EXAGGERATION) the size of a cantelope... EACH. And hard as a rock.
And my pumping changed.
I would still enter the little room, hook up to the dual-pumping machine.
But NOTHING would come out.
NOTHING.
And the pain was increasing.
I consulted with EVERYONE - the lactation consultants, my midwives, my mom, my friends - and nothing recommended worked. I even found an office in the hospital with a bathtub to soak in.
Then I found the problem.
Out of each of the tiny holes on the tip of my nipple (FYI, milk comes out of LOTS of holes, not just one), I pulled a string of white dried milk. So all the pumping was creating NO internal suction. It was just hitting a wall.
Once this obstacle was overcome, I settled into my pumping routine. For the 18 days Arabella was there, I spent my days trying to get her to eat out of the breast with a lactation consultation - then finding out that over 20 mins of trying would exhaust her heart and burn more calories than she gained; going to pump and banking the milk; then making sure that the milk that went down the NG tube & eventually a bottle was mine.
Arabella with her G-button.Both of these nights, which were about 2 weeks apart, after having formula, Arabella's intestines would stop working. They thought it was a symptom of Hirschsprung's disease, semi-common in kids with Down syndrome. But each time, all problems disappeared after a day without the formula.
So, Arabella needed breastmilk.
No pressure.
As my days of mothering in the NICU were coming to a close, I was faced with a new expense - a hospital-grade breastpump was needed for home. Fortunately, my mom suggested calling WIC, a nutritional supplement program, and asking if they had pumps.
WIC's lactation consultant, Cathy Eng, drove the 30 miles to TCH to bring me my very own Ameda hospital-grade pump. She also promised to work with Arabella and I in our home to get that sweetie feeding from the breast. And she did. She came to my house as often as I asked, and we tried really hard for 6 months.
But the whole time, I was pumping every 2 hours. And I got pretty used to it. My body learned to let down in response to a machine, with a heart warmed by a baby. People who visited learned to step outside while I pump, cuz I wasn't relocating my whole set-up from my living room coffee table! And eventually, I learned to single-hand manual pump while driving!
Arabella's feeding is her own story. She ended up with failure-to-thrive when she was below-birth-weight at 3 months from feeding by mouth. She returned to the NG tube, then had a more-permanent G-button put in her stomach at 4 months. The acid-reflux from these intrusions caused her to have an oral-aversion, not wanting anything in her mouth from 4 months-6 months. But by 1 year old, she had her broken heart fixed, had overcome the oral-aversion, and was weaned off the G-button. She finished her first 8-oz bottle of milk by mouth about 2 weeks before she was 1 year old.
Arabella is 8 years old now. And she knows about breastfeeding. When she asks if she drank from my breasts, I am grateful that I can tell her that I loved her through the milk, even when we couldn't share the breast itself.
Arabella, age 8Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Milk Pumping Factory Part 2
We're happy to share a guest post by our friend Gini and her breastfeeding experience. The story of the breastfeeding journey she and her daughter went on will be shared here in parts. Today we conclude with part 2.
We brought the boobs full and the baby hungry and were primed for some breastfeeding lessons from a pro. Claire got naked and weighed, and then we nursed. Fifteen minutes on each side. Weighed again, and she pretty much shocked us all. She had only taken half an ounce in thirty minutes of nursing. At this rate, she would still not get enough if she was attached to the boob 24/7. I felt so deflated, like I wasn’t doing something right.
We tried again, this time with the lactation consultant all up in my business and touching my boobs more than my husband had in months. Claire started screaming. And I started crying. My mom sees me crying and she starts crying. I’m sure we were a sight to behold. Claire was starving and I felt like my boobs were going to literally explode in her face. To offer me some relief, the lactation consultant suggested I pump. Since I am notorious for forgetting things, I had never been so glad to have remembered a little black backpack in my life.
Mom and I had gone to Babies R Us when Claire was a few days old for a few minutes out of the house and to buy a pump. I knew that I would like to have the option of leaving Claire for a few hours or to have my husband feed her one middle-of-the-night when I couldn’t drag myself out from under the sheets. Armed with coupons (you can read more about my couponing tips and tricks here) we set out for what would be the single most used baby item in my house. Mom bought me the Medela Pump In Style Advanced Backpack (which is a double-electric) for a little more than $200.
And man, was it the best $200 bucks she’d ever spent! Not only did the pump give me relief in the lactation room, but it would go on to help me feed my baby for nearly six months. I told her that I wasn’t necessarily tied to the idea of feeding Claire from the breast- as long as she was fed- I was okay. So the decision was made, with great encouragement from the consultant and my mom… I would exclusively pump. She gave me loads of information on how to create and maintain a solid milk supply. Letting down with a pump is quite different than with a nursing infant, so I still had a lot to learn.
She put me on some supplements and a schedule. I was to pump 15 minutes every three hours during the day and every four hours at night, for a total of seven times in 24 hours. I was also to use the let-down button on the pump every five minutes so that I could have three separate let downs during each pumping session. I also was fitted for a correctly size breast shield and picked up another set of pump parts, both of which saved my life.
In the beginning, this is what my day looked like:
7am- Wake up, shower, eat breakfast
8am- Claire wakes up, feed/ change/ dress baby
9am- Pump, wash and make bottles for the day, clean pump parts from overnight (Claire is awake so she sits on the bed with me while I pump, and I wear her or she plays on the floor while I clean)
10am- Feed Claire
Noon- Claire is napping while I pump
1pm- Feed Claire, wash bottles and pump parts from morning (Luke is home for lunch so he plays with Claire while I make lunch, we both eat and I clean up)
3pm- Claire is napping while I pump
4pm- Feed Claire
5pm- Make Dinner
6pm- Pump, wash bottles and pump parts from the afternoon
7pm- Feed Claire, Eat Dinner
8pm- Bathe Claire, Put her to bed
9pm- Pump, wash parts so as to have two clean sets for overnight pumping, make night time bottles
10pm- Go to bed (or try to J)
Midnight- DH dreamfeeds Claire
1am- Pump
2am- Feed Claire
5am- Pump and Feed Claire
Start all over again at 7am
I’ll admit it was rough at first, but I got the hang of it. And my husband helped (as much as he could short of hooking himself up to the pump). In the beginning, I had trouble pumping an ounce per session, but when I began to wean four months later I was pumping nearly 10 ounces per session. And once your supply is established (around two months for me) you can eliminate one night time feeding (pump at 3am rather than 1am and 5am). And once your supply goes back up (like a week later) you can eliminate a day time pumping (1pm and 5pm rather than noon, 3pm and 6pm).
I pumped and I pumped for a little more than four months. I was able to feed my daughter and freeze over 1000 ounces of breast milk to take her almost to six months old. And I didn’t have any trouble weaning from the pump. I took the maximum dosage of Sudafed (and it’s safe to give your baby breast milk while taking this), got back on birth control (both of which will help dry of your milk) and cut one pumping session every three days.
Exclusively pumping (EPing) is an option. I am so glad someone gave me this option. It gave me a great sense of accomplishment that I was able to breastfeed my baby when nursing didn’t work for either of us. You need the support and understanding of family and friends. It is very difficult (or for me it was) to care for the baby while attached to a machine. EPing is an option that worked for me and my family. You have to do what works best for you and your family.
Luke and I do want to have more children (at least one, maybe two more). I think I will try to breastfeed, but first read and try to learn more about feeding from the breast. If it doesn't work, like it didn't for Claire, that's fine. Or if I find feeding from teh breast to be more convenient, that's fine too. It's comforting knowing that exclusively pumping will always be an option.
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