Near Mama's Heart give-away winners announced!

Near Mama's Heart give-away winners are chosen! I love your stories, they are beautiful and so special.

English edition winner: Stephanie Mahoney
Spanish edition winner: Mandy_Moo of Instinctive Parenting.

More great give-aways coming up when we reach 1000 "Leakies" on our FaceBook page so get sharing!

The "Breast is Best" debate

Is breastfeeding best? Or is it normal?

Given the dismal rates of continued breastfeeding in the US and other western cultures, it doesn't actually look like we think breastfeeding is best OR normal.

I've been thinking about the slogan "breast is best" a lot since seeing conversation in blogs and articles about changing our language a few months ago. My reaction was initially "well, breast IS best so what's the problem?" But as someone commented on this topic on our FaceBook Page, "'Best' makes it seem a bit unobtainable to many." Almost like saying "organic is best" when it comes to fruit and veggies, though this is a flawed metaphor. Organic may be "best" but not everyone can afford it and they still need to eat their veggies anyway. It is pretty accepted that not everyone can have "the best" in life. However, it is expected that everyone can have what is considered "normal." If there are obstacles preventing someone to have the "normal," the healthy standard of living, then there are ways, interventions, to help them get as close as possible. That's what we need, this "normal" is how we need to view breastfeeding, in my opinion. Breastfeeding needs to replace the position baby bottles and formula hold as part of the normal way to feed a baby, it needs to rise again as the new normal instead of the elite position of being "best." Besides, "Breast is best" came from formula makers. And there's a good reason for that too.

The language of "breast is best" is a double edged sword. The broad side of that sword just seems to be stating the obvious: Boobie milk is the best milk for human babies. But I think it has more cutting implications in reality. "Breast is Best" divides those who breastfeed and those who formula feed as those who do what's "best" and those that don't. Great mom vs. OK mom. I really don't think that's healthy. Divisive language also inhibits dialogue. People become defensive and all-too-enthusiastic to stand on some soap box. The truth is, divisive language does not change minds or educate. It puts down and builds barriers. Not too long ago I read a formula-feeding mother's comment when she felt attacked about not breastfeeding in an online community: "Yeah, I know 'breast is best' and all that but it isn't an option for me and I don't have to explain myself to you. I guess that makes me a bad mom and my kid is f*cked, right?" If, instead of dividing into groups and categories, we're uniting and supporting everyone's desire to do what is best for their family and embracing breastfeeding as normal we can move beyond debate and onto supporting mothers and babies. Guilt isn't a quality motivator nor something we should encourage or breed in people. And please, please don't say they should feel guilty. Lactivist Leanings has an excellent post on how those words are not only counter-productive but also down-right dangerous.

"Breast is Best!" Once upon a time that would have been as obvious a statement as "the sky is blue!" or maybe even more fitting "water is the best beverage for living creatures!" Within the verbage thrown around when talking of breastfeeding we hid the obvious: breastfeeding is normal. The other side of the double-edged "breast is best" sword is that best doesn't usually mean normal. When something is normal, or should be, a culture naturally gathers around to support and protect it. Best is equated with advantage or privilege, reserved for only a portion of society and often a bit elite. The need to protect that falls only to those that benefit from it. When something is normal (i.e. eating) society understands that everyone should have that normal opportunity and accepts that without question providing education and resources to that end. PhD in Parenting has a post I greatly appreciate about how this is an issue of breaking down societal barriers rather than picking on moms. Something that is often lost when the conversation hits a personal nerve. Check out the CDC's breastfeeding report card for an idea of how your area is doing to protect and normalize breastfeeding.

And what about when a woman can't breastfeed? Though rare, actually, not all women have enough milk or even make any milk at all. No matter how badly she wants to breastfeed. Or perhaps there are other circumstances complicating a woman's attempts to breastfeed. The "Breast is Best" slogan can sting of failure that she didn't, couldn't do "the best" for her child. But if breastfeeding is normal and something she can't do it isn't an issue of her being a good mother or bad mother, rather one of complications, whatever they are. I have horrible pregnancies. Craptastic-organ failure-constant IV's-boat loads of medication-pregnancies. It's not what I want, it just is what is. I can't help it, can't change it and most importantly, can't ignore it or pretend it away. Is it BEST to not to take drugs during pregnancy? Absolutely, everyone knows that. Some people are afraid of taking Tylenol, they are so vigilant. Is it NORMAL to vomit non-stop and drop 12 pounds in a week and keep that pattern up for 18 weeks of pregnancy and then a milder version until the very end? No, it's not. Taking drugs in pregnancy because I need to isn't normal but, after weighing the risks of taking the medications vs. not taking them, it is the right option for me, for my babies. It is the difference between normal and surviving. Not the difference between best and normal. Or good and bad. Does it sting to not be normal? You betcha. It sucks. But it happens, our world isn't perfect and sometimes things that should work, should be normal, aren't. When breastfeeding is the normal that goes awry, those moms dealing with that have other options: donated human milk and formula. Those moms need support, it can't always be breast even though breast is the normal way to feed a human baby. Just as with any decision regarding what we put into our bodies, it needs to be an informed choice with the risks associated with formula-feeding carefully spelled out and understood. Something I believe would happen more easily when breastfeeding is normal and the polarizing language of "best" is dropped.

This isn't a new conversation. Diane Wiessinger addressed this issue in her essay "Watch Your Language" in 1996, I first read about it here. And it continues today on blogs, forums, on Facebook, in chat rooms, at breastfeeding support meetings and more. Just today I posted on this topic shared on Facebook: "I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate but I prefer to leave pointing out that formula is "substandard" to those with credentials and the recognized voice to do so. On my end I just try to provide information and encouragement. And sometimes the decision to formula feed is born out of non-physical yet very real complications related to breastfeeding. Implying that a woman didn't try hard enough to get through those issues is invalidating her struggle."

The day we move from asking if a woman is going to breastfeed to automatically assuming she will unless there are complications (physical or not- that's for another post) is the day that we will have moved beyond the "breast is best" campaign to "breastfeeding is the universally accepted norm."

Tuesday Special- Kids Eat Free! Near Mama's Heart

I've been slacking in the blogging arena as I pushed towards a deadline with my book. The deadline met, I'm back to blogging.



The first thing up is a cool give-away, a Tuesday Special- Kids Eat Free from Near Mama's Heart from My Baby and More. A sweet little breastfeeding book to share with little ones! There will be two winners, one for an English book and one for a Spanish book.

To enter simply post a comment below with a favorite breastfeeding memory and which language you're entering for and give us a vote on the TopMommyBlogs button on the side. That's it! Share this give-away with your friends, you've got a week to enter. Be sure to stop by the Near Mama's Heart Facebook Page and say hi.

Good luck!

Lemonade Boobies

A reader sent me a photo that actually left me speechless. Momentarily anyway. I showed The Piano Man the image and waited for his reaction. He had plenty to say. After he expressed his thoughts I finally found mine and we ranted together. I appreciated his insight and asked him to write it down to share here. So I'm honored to share the first of what I hope are many more posts by The Piano Man.


Today Jessica showed me this:

"Lady selling lemonade on the beach (reportedly clearing $250 per day)... The psychology of business is to "know what your customers want!" This guy probably does not know what he is drinking, nor does he care... because he is after something more than sugared down lemon juice. Reportedly for $10 a try, you will see when you finish sucking. So who says making money is tough? The jobs are out there!!!"

(Jessica here: Don't you just love the expression on her face? I mean, seriously, what is that?)

A woman on the beach with large manufactured lemonade-filled breasts covering her own, from which, for $10, one can find refreshment and get in touch with their baby-side.

That’s right, customers (?!) pay a lady to suck on her fake boobs - for lemonade? The short description of the picture also alluded to what said customers may catch a glimpse of once they’ve had their fill, if you catch my drift.

(Jessica again: OMG, you mean, they might see some B@@B! A NIPPLE! Oh pretty lady what else can we do to sneak a peak? Roll over? Play dead? Don't even get me started on what this reduces men to.)

Um, really? My reaction to the photograph was a mix of shock, disbelief and disgust, as well as, I must admit, a smidge of amusement for just how ridiculous this whole scene is. Let’s see if I can unravel and label my emotional response.

(Jessica's emotional response: ewwwwwwwwww! ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwwwww!)

What would possess a grown man to publicly perform such an act with a perfect stranger? An act that is as confusing as it is absurd. To me, a man’s face interacting with a woman’s chest is a sexual thing; the kind of sexual thing that you do in private. I could perhaps see how the shock value of appearing to be performing such an act in public might be enticing for someone, purely for entertainment. But with a stranger? Maybe I’m just too old-fashioned. I’d personally be embarrassed to pretend to suck on a stranger’s breasts; and I find it extremely disrespectful to the woman, even if she is offering it as a service.

(Jessica: No sweetie, you're really not old fashioned. You respect yourself and me. That and you don't have to resort to such measures, obviously.)

Which makes me wonder: is it really OK for individuals to go offering pseudo-sexual acts for money? How about participating in a pseudo-sexual act in public? I realize that in this situation people aren’t actually sucking on this woman’s breasts, but they are sucking on fake boobs positioned in the same place as her breasts, and these fake boobs happen to be see-through; you can clearly see the lemonade in them (and maybe more...). Still, you’re paying to suck on a strangers boobs in public, fake or not. To me, this is the same thing as wearing see-through swimsuits, or clothes that have naked people printed on them. Public nudity laws? Oh, you’re not really parading around naked, right? I’m not personally comfortable walking ON that right/wrong line.

(Jessica here again: I don't have a problem with airbrushed t-shirts with naked people on them. I mean, I wouldn't wear one but w/e.)

I mentioned how confusing this thing is. On the one hand, this act can be perceived as pseudo-sexual, but when I focus on the fake breast containing a drink that someone accesses by sucking on its fake nipple, all sexual connotation disappears for me, and it becomes a nurturing act, the kind that takes place between a mother and her baby when breastfeeding. A beautiful, natural act, that my wife has shared with our babies 5 times over, in public and in private, in truth, wherever the need arises. A life-giving act. And non-sexual; because it’s not a sexual act to breastfeed your baby but rather a nurturing, mothering oen. Babies have no other natural alternative than to get their nutrition from a breast. Sure, there’s formula, now. But I’d hardly call it natural. Accepted in our culture? No doubt. But natural? The way nature, or God, intended? I don’t think so. So, back to our amusing/disturbing picture. These breasts, fake though they obviously are, have liquid in them, liquid that is intended to be ingested, through the means of a nipple to which you apply suction with your mouth. To me, it’s a nursing act, and I have long outgrown my nursing days. I am a man now. Actually, my nursing days were over even way before I became a man. I know there is conversation regarding how long a child can or should nurse. For me the limit is 2 or 3 years of age, but I regard this as a personal decision that parents make for themselves, and I’m OK with that. Even for the extreme breastfeeders, there is a limit, a ceiling that is reached, where a child decides they are through with that phase in their life. Whether it happens at 3 or 10 is irrelevant in this discussion. The point is it happens, somewhere, we’ll say, in the first 10 years of a person’s life? Therefore, to me, this picture evokes an act that any well-adjusted adult has long outgrown and has now become unnatural to them. For me, it feels wrong, I experience a physical revulsion to the thought of an adult performing the act in a baby’s stead.

(Jessica's thoughts- again: I don't care what grown-ups do in private. That's their business. However, I never appreciate a grown-up acting like a child in any public setting. Temper tantrums? No. Whining? I don't think so. Picking their nose? Oh heck no.)

Then I started wondering what kind of people both the customer and the, uh, merchant (?) are. Does the man in the picture really not see the merchant as a woman? Is she just a set of boobs? A novelty item for his enjoyment? For the amusement of others? I don’t believe for a second that what’s on his mind is quenching his thirst. Is this not a blatant example of the objectification of women in our society? Does the customer have no respect for her, or for himself for that matter? If he’s willing to pretend to perform an (infantile) pseudo-sexual act with a complete stranger, in public, what else is he capable of? What will he do next? And what about her, the woman with the goods? How degrading for her to let who-knows-how-many strangers a day mess around with her fake breasts for money. What’s her story? Where is her self-respect? Does she see herself as an object for men's pleasure and entertainment? Is that where she finds her worth? I assume that she’s bought into our culture’s view of women, and she’s just trying to capitalize on it a little bit. I also assume that she is a victim of our culture’s view of women, and she has had degrading and hurtful experiences used to teach her about them. I feel sorry for her, and wish that she weren’t demeaned to the point of resorting to this.

(Jessica: Preach it babe.)

In a country that broadcasts all-too-frequent news reports on alleged disturbing acts of breastfeeding between mothers and their own babies in public, this is OK? This is acceptable? Even if this isn't acceptable to many why isn't this all over the news as inappropriate behavior in public when recently we have report after report of the scandalous activities of mothers simply caring for their children by nurturing and nourishing them with her breasts. Well, this, with its mixed message of sexual-public-nursing-naked-for-fun with objectification-and-paying-for-sex overtones, should certainly help clear up any misconceptions regarding the place of breasts and breastfeeding in our society. Because somehow we can post this on the internet and laugh from our jr. high dirty humor selves but a mother feeding her child naturally is considered so inappropriate FaceBook regularly deletes any images depicting a breastfeeding child, a Tampa school board sides with a principle that removes a breastfeeding woman from a public lobby and the obnoxious, in-your-face talk show The View refuses to show breastfeeding images on their show and dis on women that nurse in public. What is wrong with this picture?

Oh, and, in spite of the vaguely amusing and disturbing first glance of the above image, I find it mostly disgusting.

Jenna, Gianna and Athena- Breastfeeding after Breast Reduction Surgery

We're happy to share a guest post by our friend Jenna and her breastfeeding experience. Heather has breastfed two little girls so far and has overcome some serious obstacles to do so. A story of love, determination and commitment, Jenna share the heartache, joys and triumphs she has experienced in her breastfeeding journey. We appreciate Jenna's voice and her sharing her story with us. We hope you enjoy and are as inspired as we are by her story.

The only thoughts going through my head the day my surgeon set the date for my breast reduction was how the pain in my lower back and shoulders would finally go away and my self esteem would return. Living with a tiny body and DD breasts was not easy. Little did I know that by signing on the dotted line, I was also signing up for a world of heartache many years later.

I fell pregnant with my first daughter in August 2006. In the first seven or eight months I carried her, I honestly didn’t give nursing much of a thought. I’d considered it. But my husband and I had stocked up on freebie Enfamil samples and bottles. I bought and skimmed Diane West’s book on everything I needed to know about breastfeeding after reduction surgery and it was all so overwhelming. I joined an online forum, BFAR.org, in hopes that these wonderful women could translate all the lingo.

As I approached my due date, something started to change. I started to feel myself veering onto the unpaved path, away from the mainstream. I signed up for a midwifery-led birth, I started reading more and more about breastfeeding and even attended a few Le Leche League meetings in hopes of meeting someone like me.

Gianna was born on April 25th, 2007 via c-section and when I met her for the first time back in my room, something just clicked. I was this child’s source of nutrition and protection always. I nursed her then for the first time. She latched like a champ and the lactation consultants were impressed. But it wasn’t always bliss.

The first several weeks were torture. I’m not talking about the raw, cracked and bleeding nipples torture. I’m talking about the little to no weight gain torture, the fussy baby at the breast torture, the feeling of not making enough for your baby torture. I gave Gianna a bottle of formula for the first time after nursing her at around 3 weeks old. She hadn’t gained back enough to reach her birth weight and although the pediatrician and lactation consultant insisted I was doing all I could and urged me to not begin supplementing just yet, I followed my mama instinct. She gulped that bottle down and wailed for more. I think she took four ounces that night and I’ve never cried so hard in my entire life.

I refused to be a formula feeding mother so I started taking BFAR’ing a little more seriously. I researched galactagogues, I started pumping after every feeding and I ordered Medela’s Supplementary Nursing System (SNS). I loaded up on fenugreek, blessed thistle, domperidone, goat’s rue and tinctures and teas and oatmeals. I’d been a member of a due date forum on a “mommy board” of sorts and one of the women there offered to ship me her pumped breast milk. She remained Gianna’s donor for months until she returned to work and needed to pump exclusively for her son. Gianna had two more donors after that but we also had to use formula. I hated it but at the end of the day my daughter was breastfeeding and was getting well over 60 percent of her supply from me.

The SNS does not allow a mother to be discreet so nursing in public became my norm. If I wanted to go out then I was certainly going to have feed my child. It sucked having to experience the inconvenience of lugging around bottles of milk (to be dumped into the SNS when time) and a cooling bag and everything a formula feeding mother needs but I felt proud that I was doing what a lot of women in my position say they’d never do.

The camaraderie I found on the BFAR.org forum was the only thing that kept me positive a lot of the time. My family and even my husband urged me to give up the stress and bottle feed my daughter. But if anyone truly knows me, they know I don’t go down without a fight and this was my fight to win.

Soon both my daughter and I got the hang of the SNS. Months went by and there was never a glitch in the program. It was our new normal and we were okay with it.
Gianna nursed with the SNS until she was 15 months old. I weaned off the herbal supplements and medication I was on and then I weaned her from the SNS. She continued to nurse on whatever I made alone until she was 26 months old.

I gave birth to my second daughter three weeks ago. I established a committed, full time donor months ago and have a breast milk stash anyone would be envious of in my deep freezer. I started the domperidone and herbal supplements the day she was born. Athena is a happily breastfeeding baby. Together with the help of her milky mama, she will be fully breastfed for as long as her little heart desires.

Holy Crap.

My first daughter, Earth Baby was a pretty good breastfeeding baby. We didn’t have latch problems really, though it did hurt some in the first two weeks, she gained weight well, she had an internal clock that said to eat every 2 hours the first week and then it self regulated nicely to a 3-4 hour schedule and within a few weeks she was sleeping a 6 hour stretch at night. I had it made. Thought I was all that too. My baby was perfect. In the hospital, before coming home, she transitioned from the new baby tar butt that was the result of meconium to yellowish, seedy smears in her diaper. A nurse explained how many she should produce a day and we were on our way. There were the appropriate amount of those smeared diapers every day and things were just farting along nicely. When Earth Baby was around one week old we experienced our first, um, taste, of her potential. It turned out, those smears were just the warm up. Her A game was far more impressive. And not cute.

But it was hilarious.

The Piano Man was the honored one. He was changing her on our sweet little changing table with a chux pad the hospital sent home with us down for protection. We’d been using the same chux pad since we got home and weren’t sure why they told us they were great to have around for changes. Still so new to this baby thing, I took pictures constantly and that was even back in the day of *gasp* film! Yeah, I was taking pictures of him changing her diaper. Really more because he was so cute handling this little person, I just couldn’t help taking pictures. I only wish it had been a video camera.

Having already established his method of changing her, The Piano Man talked to her sweetly as he unsnapped the bottom of her jammies and pulled them up around her waist. Grabbing a wipe, he unfastened her wet diaper and laid the wipe over her girly parts to avoid a bubbling fountain of pee since she often went once air was permitted to her nether regions. He grabbed another wipe and, still talking to her, proceeded to lift her legs to wipe her down.

It was like a pulling a lever to release a bomb. A poop bomb. He pulled those legs up and off went the missile. Not a slow release, no. A fast burst of hot, yellow, thick liquid poop squirted out. This wasn’t a smear but rather like someone had thrown a gallon of paint. It hit the wall, the edge of the changing table, The Piano Man (pretty amazing since he was to the side and not in the direct line of fire) and even a little got on the chux pad. Like, maybe a smear.

And then Earth Baby heard her first swear word. You think you’re never going to swear in front of your kids. But then, you also never think your precious infant is going to launch weapons of mass destruction from their behind in toxic hues of glowing yellow.

I laughed.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. I didn’t help clean up. I laughed, snorting and hiccuping until tears ran down my face. And I took pictures. Sadly I can’t find them but I will because this photographic evidence is priceless. Plus, Earth Baby is now 11, I’m sure she’d love to see pictures of her poop. What adolescent wouldn't?

Sweet Sunday Slurp- Treasured Memories

Today's Sunday Slurp is by Jennifer, a mom of 3 girls. Jennifer blogs at Uncommonly Common Thoughts about life as a military wife and mom of her 3 spirited daughters. She shares with us here about the sweetness of treasured memories now that her breastfeeding days are done. Enjoy!

One of my favorite memories of nursing my 3 children...was when I had my youngest. Knowing she was my last I tried to savor every quiet nursing moment with her. (Hard to do with 2 other young kids running around...lol!) To slow down, calm down and rather than worrying about what needed to get done next, to instead focus all my attention on my little nursling. I loved looking into her eyes & just staring into them as she ate, and having her little fist wrapped around my finger. Smothering that little hand with kisses to the background noise of her making her soft gulping noises. The "baby smell" of her...the "milk drunk" look when she was done. Treasured memories. :)

If you are interested in making a submission to be considered for Sweet Sunday Slurp, please leave a comment here or on our Facebook fan page. We're looking for short, sweet nursing stories every week.